I'm a perfectionist by nature. And, in no way do I tell you this as a brag--rather, I'm confessing it to you as sin. I know that God has given me unique traits, abilities, and giftings; however, I also know that my flesh has twisted the intended purposes of these traits in order to find glorification and self-worth in the eyes of the world. I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to try something new, do something crazy, take a chance and been held back by my own fears. This fear is gripping, and it's always there to put me back into my place, my box. You can't. You'll just end up looking silly. Who do you think you are? Don't even try. It's truly my own self-destructive thoughts that crush my spirit--in fact, I'm surrounded by people who fill me with words of affirmation. Maybe I'm afraid that if I try something new I will be seen as *gasp* average and the praise from others will stop. Maybe I'm afraid that if I step out of my comfort zone I will find that I truly cannot do anything except that which has held me in bondage for so long. Or, maybe I'm afraid of the risk involved in finding something truly extraordinary when ordinary seems so safe.It's a funny thing, this whole idea of safety. I don't even want to live in the "safe zone." Nope. My heart wants to step out and do something great, something that involves danger and adventure. Let's face it, I'd rather jump out of the plane than watch from the safety of the ground below. Why? Because it's more exciting, more exhilarating, and once it's over there's a greater sense of accomplishment. And, I'm finding that the more I stay in my, quote, un-quote, comfort zone the more I'm finding a sense of discomfort in my soul. And, honestly, I think if I don't take a leap of faith, well, I'm going to miss out on something truly amazing.
About 2 months ago I was at a retreat, (a truly life changing retreat). I went up for prayer and received the most freeing words that have ever been spoken over me...THE FREEDOM TO FAIL. Are you kidding me?! Those were just the words I needed to hear, to receive. In whose eyes would I be failing, anyway? When I feel the weight of the world upon my shoulder, or become overtaken by my own fears I simply cling to my Father's precious promises:
*I can't! Oh, but you can, my love. You can do all things through Me, for I strengthen you. (Phil. 4:13)
*I'll just end up failing! You are more than a conqueror! I will cause you to triumph, and I will diffuse the fragrance of My knowledge everywhere you go. (Rom. 8:37; 2 Cor. 2:14)
*Who do I think I am? You are My child, My beloved, holy. You are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. (Col. 3:12; Rom. 1:7; 1 Peter 1:16; Eph. 1:4; Deut. 28:13)
*It's just too hard! In Me, you are strong. You shall overcome and inherit all things. (Ps. 27:1; Ps. 73:26; Rev. 21:7)
So, I haven't yet exercised this newly found freedom, but I'll keep you posted. I know that in the near future I'm going to be spreading my wings and learning to trust like I never have before. I have faith that I am going to witness miracles, experience healings, and fall more deeply in love with the One whom my soul truly longs for. And...it's going to be a wild ride!
Blessings!
