this tension

With heart pounding my fingers reached for the door. The excitement and nerves were rolling over one another, both fighting for dominance. As I walked into the room where we would be gathering and discussing and praying together I felt the familiar sting of hot tears. Always tears. No use fighting them, they leak and spill as they will. That night they were the overflow of a refreshed soul, a desire that had been unknowingly starved was finding nourishment and space to breathe again.

Each month during those Propel meetings I found myself enveloped and safe, surrounded by encouragement, love and understanding. I gleaned and absorbed as much leadership wisdom as I could, and as water being squeezed from a sponge I released all that I was learning into the daily routines at work and life.

With an increased confidence I am now less apologetic. My footing is more sure as I navigate people and conflict and problem solving. 

This season has been hard and beautiful and stretching and painful. A cocoon of sorts. I've gained knowledge and strength and allowed myself to dream those scary big dreams. Yet a cocoon was never meant to be a final stop. So, what once felt safe and comforting is beginning to suffocate and feel too tight. And I'm learning to appreciate the beauty that lives in the tension of what will be and what is right now.

I'm learning to listen and wait patiently for release. I'm learning to celebrate when others are finding their desires fulfilled while my hope is still being deferred. It's a battle of staying fully present while looking ahead with expectancy. In Simply Tuesday Emily P. Freeman refers to this tension as the multicolored life. We can be full of deep sorrow, yet still laugh at great memories at a funeral. We can be filled with such love and excitement at a graduation, yet shed tears of sadness that come with change. 

I'm struggling to stay content with the here and now while taking steps of faith towards the future, my passions. These active steps are moving me towards deep rooted desires becoming reality, yet it is still my responsibility to build into the people and work that have been placed in my hards right now. As Emily describes, I'm living with the Thank God as well as the Please God. 

This tension is refining. And although it's not something I would choose to walk through I'm finding myself relating with Paul and learning what it means to be content in all situations.

How do you handle the tension of what will be and what is? 

for all the ladies

Whether a stature of small or maybe quite tall,

An accent from Brooklyn or a deep southern drawl.

A shape that is curvy or one that’s more slender,

A teacher, a doctor, a public defender.

Quiet and shy, maybe boisterous and loud,

What you add to this world should be praised and avowed.

You rise with the sun and stay up way past dark,

Hustling and bustling to make your own mark.

You write and you paint and you plan and prepare,

You dance and you sing and you act with such flair.

Your office is large, or maybe not quite,

You chase and chauffeur babes well in the night.

You are daring, caring, sharing and true,

A rare kind of fierce that can only be you.

Wearing the highest of heals, flats, sneakers, or boots,

Jeans, shorts, fancy dresses or the classic of suits.

You’re a gem, an original, a one of a kind,

A smashing sensation, you are a rare find.

Wishing all of you without further delay:

A wonderful and happy International Women’s Day.

moments of weight and worth

The bitter, nutty notes of the coffee flirted with my nose as I walked into the cafe, (for the love that we share, coffee and me, is not void of the romance). I'd accepted the invitation with a heart full of joy and thanksgiving--I'd been asked to a coffee date by an "older" woman. The quotation marks are completely necessary as she is a mere 50, plus I have always been an old soul and she has a young spirit so we met somewhere in the middle where conversation flows unhindered by things like age and trends and hip lingo. It was evident that small talk would not be tolerated, (praises!), as the first questions set the stage for depth in sharing and soul bearing.

The words we shared were meaningful and weighty. They didn't elicit tears, or even laughter, but rather demanded the full attention of the other. There was an unspokenness about us, an understanding that we would be connecting on a soul level and that every moment together in that place would be precious and sacred. She shared of the new chapter she is entering with her family and about all that she has learned over the years and her plans for making the most of her current season in life. I spoke of my big dreams and passions and the doors that the Lord has been opening wide. I declared that fear will no longer have the power to keep me from stepping into my destiny. She smiled as if we were sharing secrets and shook her head in agreement.

Our hearts were being knit together in those 90 minutes. We didn't talk about love lost or love found, or anything suck in-between. Those moments will come, and when they do there will be tears, I'm positive, for that is where my heart is most tender. Our time was not muddied by marital status or job title or any other label. It was a protected time and space for two women to invest and come alongside one another. Women so different, yet similar.

It was a chance to cradle the dreams of another with tenderness and understanding, linking arms, rubbing shoulders. It was a chance to remind each other that we are meant for big things and settling is not an option. It was a chance to remember that we are a people meant for community, for pouring out and receiving. Together we are better and stronger and can help fill in the gaps where life is messy and hard, and rejoice in the moments of beauty and victory.

Differences do not have to complicate relationships, friends. Differences can actually be the very glue that binds us to another. Take a risk: extend or accept an offer to meet over coffee or take the kids to the park or go for a run. Stop comparing your life with her perfect social media world and stop being intimidated by her gifts and talents. Have an actual face-to-face conversation with her. You might make a new friend for life or you might have a new acquaintance that you once had a conversation with and got to spur on in her journey. Either way, you win. She wins. We all win.

There is nothing like sharing in the mystery of deep, spiritual friendship. Give it a try.

the power of presence

It takes discernment and wherewithal to understand the specific needs of a situation, and requires love to act accordingly. There is something powerful about having someone truly present - physically, emotionally, mentally. More than just a warm body, a warm body willing to make the investment of time and self.

Where schedules are full and busyness is celebrated, there is real sacrifice in slowing down and taking notice of all the small and easily unnoticed happenings of the day-to-day. Moments are fleeting and can slip through fingers like water. The future is exciting and mysterious and gives us hope to dream big dreams. But, without the faithfulness to invest in the present moments a dream will always be...a dream. 

I am realizing more and more that it's less about what will be and more about what is happening now. The moments of today are gifts for tomorrow.

The thing is being aware to all that's going on today and recognizing our part may just open a door and create an opportunity that will put those dreams into motion. And even if an opportunity is simply experienced for the smile and the brightening of another's day, it's worth the effort.

While we cannot say yes to everything, with wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit we will recognize the moments that need our yes. Our obedience and wise yeses have the ability to reach the deep places of the soul, blessing others and changing our own lives in turn.

Because in the end it is not about the stuff attained or accolades received..

but the individuals, lives, souls reached and changed for eternity's sake.

Take notice and be present. There is so much to come, but right now all you have in this moment.