monday, funday

115. The number of emails eagerly awaiting responses this Monday morning. Every email of urgent importance, every one needing an answer yesterday. Skimming the subject lines gives me an idea of where to start the attack--with the easy ones. Always start with the easy ones, the handful that can be knocked out in a few minutes, responded to with a simple sentence, word or even a :). Some emails are meant for accountability, *I met with 7 folks this weekend,* and merely warrant an encouraging stamp of approval: Fantastic! Way to go! Others are more detailed and emotion filled, questioning, needing assurance, assistance, a definite answer. Those require more thought and care, carefully crafted words that will both encourage and challenge when needed.

My office walls are covered with smiling prayer cards--each card representing folks who are eager to serve, sure of their calling, confidently stepping out of the boat and into the unknown. Only, their smiles can be deceiving. What these prayer cards hide are the tearful moments we spend petitioning together, the times of doubt where their thoughts must be redirected back to the stones of remembrance, and the overwhelming challenges of setting up appointments and asking individuals to join their support team. I walk through the hard, celebrate through the good and walk alongside of them through everything in between.

Some days I go home exhausted, spent. I've poured out, emptied and need fuel. After all, I am the answer knower and giver, and if I don't know an answer I must search, dig and ask until I do. I often feel overwhelmed because this "job" is so much bigger than me, weightier and more precious than gold. And, just when I feel like I'm sinking I open an email that contains sweet, soul piercing words:

And thank you for your encouraging words. They are genuine and from your heart, and that goes a long way, knowing you are praying for us and walking with us through this journey. You do your job well, and He has gifted you with many amazing gifts to lead us...

Sweeping away the loosed tears I am reminded that what I am doing is beyond my ability. He has gifted, He has generously lavished, He has given unconditionally. I mustn't let myself carry the weight of burdens that are not mine to bear.

Reflecting upon the day's emails I have a fresh perspective. My inbox is once again [almost] empty, today's troubles were taken care of and all has been made right. Tuesday will be a new day, with new worries, trials and celebrations, but for now I will enjoy the calm.

rest assured

Circles. I draw them a lot. They denote the circumference of specific promises. Purple. Pink. Blue. Some are inked in my favorite Sharpie colors, others have been invisibly traced with my finger. Numerous times these promises have been outlined; some have come to fruition while the glorious arrival of some are still unseen. Rather than running aimlessly in circles, I am circling these promises in prayer, obediently laying down every request before His throne, purposefully and expectantly.

I've been circling some promises for years...many, many years. Why do some seem to happen so quickly, while others take their sweet time? Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Yet, when I want to quit he renews my strength. When things seem hopeless he fills me with assurance. And in the storm, peace. That sweet peace that surpasses all knowledge. A peace that goes beyond feelings. A knowing peace that deeply pierces the soul. He never provides too early--He never provides too late.

I know that you know that I know that you know. I smile as I figure that sums it up. He knows. I know He knows. He knows that I know that He knows. And, with that revelation I am reminded that He has bottled every tear, remembered my every utterance and is working all things out.

After all, He's got this.