Freedom

I'm a perfectionist by nature. And, in no way do I tell you this as a brag--rather, I'm confessing it to you as sin. I know that God has given me unique traits, abilities, and giftings; however, I also know that my flesh has twisted the intended purposes of these traits in order to find glorification and self-worth in the eyes of the world. I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to try something new, do something crazy, take a chance and been held back by my own fears. This fear is gripping, and it's always there to put me back into my place, my box. You can't. You'll just end up looking silly. Who do you think you are? Don't even try. It's truly my own self-destructive thoughts that crush my spirit--in fact, I'm surrounded by people who fill me with words of affirmation. Maybe I'm afraid that if I try something new I will be seen as *gasp* average and the praise from others will stop. Maybe I'm afraid that if I step out of my comfort zone I will find that I truly cannot do anything except that which has held me in bondage for so long. Or, maybe I'm afraid of the risk involved in finding something truly extraordinary when ordinary seems so safe.

It's a funny thing, this whole idea of safety. I don't even want to live in the "safe zone." Nope. My heart wants to step out and do something great, something that involves danger and adventure. Let's face it, I'd rather jump out of the plane than watch from the safety of the ground below. Why? Because it's more exciting, more exhilarating, and once it's over there's a greater sense of accomplishment. And, I'm finding that the more I stay in my, quote, un-quote, comfort zone the more I'm finding a sense of discomfort in my soul. And, honestly, I think if I don't take a leap of faith, well, I'm going to miss out on something truly amazing.

About 2 months ago I was at a retreat, (a truly life changing retreat). I went up for prayer and received the most freeing words that have ever been spoken over me...THE FREEDOM TO FAIL. Are you kidding me?! Those were just the words I needed to hear, to receive. In whose eyes would I be failing, anyway? When I feel the weight of the world upon my shoulder, or become overtaken by my own fears I simply cling to my Father's precious promises:

*I can't! Oh, but you can, my love. You can do all things through Me, for I strengthen you. (Phil. 4:13)

*I'll just end up failing! You are more than a conqueror! I will cause you to triumph, and I will diffuse the fragrance of My knowledge everywhere you go. (Rom. 8:37; 2 Cor. 2:14)

*Who do I think I am? You are My child, My beloved, holy. You are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. (Col. 3:12; Rom. 1:7; 1 Peter 1:16; Eph. 1:4; Deut. 28:13)

*It's just too hard! In Me, you are strong. You shall overcome and inherit all things. (Ps. 27:1; Ps. 73:26; Rev. 21:7)

So, I haven't yet exercised this newly found freedom, but I'll keep you posted. I know that in the near future I'm going to be spreading my wings and learning to trust like I never have before. I have faith that I am going to witness miracles, experience healings, and fall more deeply in love with the One whom my soul truly longs for. And...it's going to be a wild ride!

Blessings!

Whispers of Truth

Being surrounded by the beauty of God's creation reminds me to be still. Some prefer the crashing of waves and the warm, sandy beaches; I have always been drawn to the mountains, to the West. My time in Wyoming has been much needed--physical rest for my weary body, peace for my wondering mind, and refreshment for my thirsty soul. It's amazing how minute my problems seem when I'm looking up at majestic mountains that my Creator made without breaking a sweat. No mountain is too big for Me or too much for Me to handle, my love. That still small voice whispers truth so deeply that it pierces my very soul. He reminds me of His promise that with faith I can command my mountain (of fear, doubt, loneliness) to be cast into the sea and not only hope, but expect that it will be done (Mark 11:23). Unfortunately, but really fortunately, His timing is not my own...

These past few months have been a bit overwhelming...I've heard the voice of my loving Abba loud and clear, directing me in ways I never expected, and revealing bits of the future that He has in store for me. It is in this season in which I might normally despair that I find myself clinging to the cross and running to Him with reckless abandonment. He is using uncomfortable grains of sand, (being discontent with my job, harsh words spoken over me, bearing a calling that I can do nothing about except wait for His perfect timing), to polish me and develop me into His perfect pearl, a pearl fit for the King. Sometimes, when I let my flesh woman analyze, I find myself doubting. Are you sure, Lord? Did I hear you correctly? I just don't see how this is possible. It's not possible for you, dear one. All things are possible through Me. I am your strength and your shield. You are the apple of My eye. I have given you these desires, impossible as they may seem to you. Lean on me. Trust in me. Keep your eyes on Me, for I am the Light that guides your steps.

He has created us all for a very specific purpose, in fact, our purpose is so specific that no one can take the place of another. I've known for quite some time that the Lord is preparing me for something HUGE, something that I can't even fathom. And, it's in the times that I begin to compare myself to others that I'm reminded of Jeremiah 29:11. He knows the very specific plans for my life, and He has promised me hope in that future. He also, often not so gently, reminds me of my prayer to live an extraordinary life. How can I compare when I'm expecting something completely extraordinary, specially engineered and crafted just for me?

So, as my character is being developed and the attacks come from every angle, or so it seems, I will cover myself with the protective armor of the Lord. Wearing the helmet of salvation I will not only protect my mind from the lies of the enemy, but I will control my own destructive thoughts. I will protect my heart and soul with the breastplate of righteousness; not my own, mind you, but with the the blood of Jesus that was shed so that I may walk blameless in the sight of the Lord. I will wear the belt of Truth--a seemingly small piece, but the very component that holds all the other pieces together. With the sword of the Spirit I will pierce the enemy with the infallible Word. My shield of faith will protect me from the fiery darts that are shot my way--unworthiness, guilt, shame. And, as I go into unknown territories, I will prepare my feet with the gospel, always ready to give an account for my hope, joy, peace, love. I will seek wisdom from fellow believers. And, above all else I will remember to pray continually so that I may know the perfect will of the Lord.

"And now, may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, equip you with all you need for doing His will." ~Hebrews 13:20-21

Blessings!

Dance

Dance has always been something significant in my life. Yes, I took dance classes, but it’s always been so much more. It’s an outward expression of happiness and love…and, well, it’s one of my deepest and purest forms of worship. My living room can quickly become a holy place of worship as I pirouette and glide on the hardwood floor. Bound, leap, and step in time to the music. I love dancing for my audience of One!

I remember a time, longer ago than I’d like to admit, when my parents used to move our family room furniture to the perimeter of the room, turn on the music, and glide gracefully as one. Their steps were together, their spins in time, and their smiles…oh, their smiles! I secretly loved these times, even though they’d usually happen when a friend was over and as a teenager I’d have to put on the annoyed, embarrassed glare. I thought they were the best dancers…and, quite honestly, I haven’t met a more perfect couple yet.

It was in that very room that my father taught me the waltz, the two-step, and even the basic box step. He is such a terrific leader—strong, confident, sure. As a young girl I used to stand on his feet, and he’d always find a way to slip my name into the songs so that I was the object of admiration and affection. I loved it when he’d use his “John Denver” voice.

It’s no wonder that dancing is so dear to my heart. I associate it with togetherness, close bonds, love. I am now learning a new dance, and it is no longer my earthly father’s feet on which I am standing, but my heavenly Father’s. The steps I am taking now are steps of faith—ones which require complete trust and obedience. I’ll admit, I’ve butchered many steps, tripped over my own feet, and sat out a few bars. However, He’s always there with His righteous right hand outstretched and ready for another go. At times I’m strong enough to perform with my own feet, but at others He allows me to rest upon His while he strengthens me and prepares me for another number. I often have to remind myself of who’s leading this dance…it’s not me. We have lots of disputes over the choreography. I want to turn left, He says turn right, I want to swing, He says we’ll waltz. Or, maybe I think I’m ready to dance with that fellow, and He reminds me that everything has it’s time. He’s strengthening, teaching, and readying me to be the woman that He’s created me to be…the wife He’s created me to be…the mother He’s created me to be…so that my ultimate dance partner and I will compliment each other perfectly and dance the dance that was created just for us…

Blessings!

Waiting

I love park benches. Well, okay, not the actual benches, but the closeness that they can create. The atmosphere surrounding them is open, relaxed, non-threatening. Just think of the secrets shared on them, the young love discovered, the connections between old lovers and friends rekindled. They may not have the comfort or beauty of a couch, but there is something so warmly welcomed about the sights, smells, and sounds of nature that entice and create bonds, whether words are spoken or not. Kisses. Giggles. Whispers. Words.

On the flip side they can also induce feelings of loneliness, reminding us of a lost love, a distant friend, a broken relationship. Solitude. Not that solitude is a bad thing...in fact, it's much needed at times. This is the season that I'm finding myself in lately--pulling myself away from the business of life (in the middle of a busy time in my life) and, in the words of Mat Kearney, drawing "closer to love." Although I am no where near knowing the fullness of Love, I've come to understand it a bit more this past year.

I so very much desire a face-to-face, honest to goodness, let’s sit down and have a cup of coffee encounter with the Lord. I’ve learned so much about the power that I have through the Holy Spirit, and as silly as it may seem…I’m learning to not fear the Spirit’s work in and through my life. But, I digress…that really is another story altogether. This past year I have pleaded for direct answers to the more, uhh, “pressing” issues in my life, and honestly I’ve heard a lot of crickets and, well, utter silence. Should I…? What about…? Where…? Who…? And, probably most importantly in my little world…Why…???

In my longing to hear a beaming voice from my loving Abba…I often find myself returning to a bench that overlooks a river. It’s nestled away in between some trees, off the beaten path…if you will. At first, I must say, I was rather disappointed that I was not joined by a burning bush, a cloud of smoke, or even a talking donkey. And, the tears would often flow as I would sit and pray and fight against the looming loneliness. (You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle…Ps. 56:8) However, slowly but surely the Spirit reminded me to listen to the gentle whispers of truth being spoken to my soul. I began to slowly realize that the answers to my questions can all be found in Love…perfect Love, with perfect patience, timing, and wisdom. I am not Loved because of what I can do or will do, or even for the woman I will eventually become; I am Loved because of who I am, and to whom I belong. I was made in the very image of the all knowing, all powerful Creator, and nothing I have done or will do will ever change that perfect Love that He has for me. It’s through this Love that I am facing trials, building endurance, and strengthening my character. It’s through this Love that I am learning to wait patiently, seek direction, and joyfully accept the unexpecteds. So, while I still struggle to know the answers to all my queries, I find rest in knowing that I can truly cease striving and know that I am deeply, truly, and completely Loved.

And, I’ve also realized that all of those times I was “waiting” for a response from the Lord…he was actually waiting patiently for me to surrender to his gentle proddings and deep whispers of truth. Truly, truly…how great it is to be Loved by You!!!

Blessings!

Opening Thoughts

I really don't feel as though my thoughts are particularly profound or life changing, so please don't be disappointed by simple ideas or random antics. I enjoy journaling and thought I'd give blogging a try. My best ideas, in my opinion anyway, come to me at night right before sleep and are often brushed aside or forgotten by the time I'm basking in the light of a new day. I love the calm of the morning and simply being...still, quiet, at peace. I am absolutely in awe of the magnificent beauty of the stars. Shooting stars are special hand delivered gifts to my heart from the Man who knows and loves me best. Every time I see one my breath escapes me for a moment as I'm reminded of His never failing, unending love for me. This happens, too, when I am standing high on a mountain overlooking nature at its finest, or watching the sun rise or set as the painted colors illuminate the sky. The Lord's attention to every detail is completely amazing...creation can't help but glorify the Maker of Heaven and Earth. It's in these moments that I'm humbled by the fact that He cares more for me than these marvels, that I am more precious than these in His sight. So, while I may be an ordinary girl, I am confidently expecting Him to use me in extraordinary ways.

Blessings!