confession

If you know me at all you know that I'm generally a rule follower. Well, I did touch the rhino at the Big Bass Pro Shop in Tuscaloosa even though the sign clearly stated Please Do Not Touch. I know, they even said *please* but I did it. I just reached my finger across the rope and poked the guy. I also climbed past one of the roped off parts of The Great Wall in China, which in China is really more of a suggestion than a rule, but still. I could really go on and on about rules that I've broken, maybe I should stop considering myself a follower and start the 12 step process to admitting my problem...that will have to come later because I am going to tell you about something that I disobey every Sunday, at church...

The past couple of church families that I have had the privilege of serving alongside have not had formal alter calls at the end of each service. Instead, during the closing prayer the pastors will say something like, "If you do not know Jesus and you would like to invite Him into your life today will you please slip your hand up. No one's looking around, all heads are bowed and eyes are closed..." This is the part of the prayer when I actually look up... I open my eyes. Now I know that this is done so people don't feel uncomfortable, but I love rejoicing when a new brothers and sisters make the most important decision of their lives! I always get teary eyed, feeling the need to welcome them into the family with a big hug. Today I was sitting on the end of a row right by the door and when I opened my eyes I saw a man two seats in front of me raise his hand. I'm not talking a shy kind of wavy raise. Nope. He had his hand high, he wanted to make his commitment known! After the service I made eye contact with him and gave him a big teary smile. He probably knows that I opened my eyes, but I think he appreciated my knowing smile. My prayer for these new believers is that they tell someone and seek out wise counsel and discipleship and continue to delve deep into knowing the Lord. And, really, that's what we all should be doing...

I've been listening to the new Hillsong Live CD...okay, so I've actually only listened to the entire thing a few times through. I have Rise on repeat. I can't help it--it is speaking so directly to my soul right now. Sometimes I'll think to myself okay, this is the last time but my finger never makes that commitment to press the button and the song starts again. I can't really pick out my favorite part of the song (other than the Ooos), but below is just a teaser. You should check it out, for real!

The universe on its knees

See the stars in surrender

God above kings and queens

Every idol will bend and break

But our God You will never fail

Forever and ever

Remember, dear one, our God will never fail! Press on!

prayer journey

Anticipation. Excitement. Fear. These are just some of the emotions that have been living in me the past couple of weeks. I've had such an unrest in my spirit and the Lord has challenged me to start asking big and expecting big. But every time I sit down to pray there's an underlying fear. Fear of what? Failure? Disappointment? Well, sure...but what the Lord has really revealed is that I am afraid that He will actually give me the desires of my heart. I know, it sounds so silly. Why wouldn't I want the desires of my heart to be fulfilled? I think the best way to answer this is simply because in order for my heart's desires to be realized God has to make them happen. My dreams require God. Period. I have to give him full and complete control and let Him work. This is hard for me for two reasons: one, because I like to be in control; two, because what the Lord has placed on my heart is huge and I'm not quite sure I have the confidence in myself to pray for such things. Plus, I've realized that I have all assurance and faith when praying for others, and am not surprised in the least when the Lord answers those prayers. However, when I pray for myself my faith is so weak, a pitiful...if you don't mind...if you have time...kind of attitude.

I've been so burdened with the need to pray lately. For friends and family. For churches. For leaders. It's been really overwhelming. So, I now have specific days allotted to pray for different individuals. Not in a legalistic sort or way, but rather for intentionality. How often do we say I'll be praying for you and forget the request the minute we step away from the person? I don't want to be that person; I want to be a woman of faith, prayer, integrity. And, if the Lord puts an individual on my heart and, *gasp*, it's not his/her day I'm going to lift them up, listening and being obedient to those prompting from the Spirit. This past week I felt the Lord telling me to partner in intentional agreement with a friend for 21 days. So, I enlisted my sweet friend Kelli. We have committed to agreeing specifically, intentionally and expectantly in prayer for one another each day for 21 days. I know that there is power in prayer. Power. So, here we go...what a joy and honor it is to stand in the gap for another...what a joy to know that another is standing in the gap for me...

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! -Ephesians 3:20-21

conviction from the unlikely...

Overwhelmed. That’s how I feel every time I stop at a light and see another person holding up a sign expressing need. What can I do to make a difference in these precious lives—does giving them a $5 bill really help? Ease my conscience? What can I really do anyway? If I’m being completely honest most of the time I find myself hunting around for loose bills (which, let’s face it, who carries cash these days?) or spare change and by the time I find something to give the light is green and horns are sounding. We’re always in such a hurry. And, I often have to fight those judgmental thoughts that like to show their ugly faces. Who am I to judge? I don’t even know their situations. Do I even care to know where they’ve been and what they’ve seen…or am I more concerned about my agenda and my comfortable ministry? Truth: I would rather not step too far out there—that’s just, well, uncomfortable.

So yesterday I was faced with this dilemma. I was the only car at the light, in the left hand turn lane on my way home. There was a young man, maybe around 25, on the right corner pulling his arms around himself to stay warm and dry. What can I do, Lord? What? About that time a young guy pulled up next to me in a red Audi. He was getting a cigarette for himself and without a moment’s hesitation he pulled out his last cigarette and searched around, I’m guessing, in his console until he found what he was looking for. He rolled the passenger window down and motioned for the man. With his arm stretched far and a big smile on his face he handed the man a cigarette, a lighter and a waded piece of paper, (I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it was money). As I watched this brief encounter I couldn’t hold back the tears. There was absolutely no judgment passed between the two, there was no reservation, no second thought. In no way am I condoning or suggesting that we aide addictions, but what are we, as believers, doing? And, more importantly, is it working?  I can almost guarantee you that that man on the corner would have listened to anything that the guy in the red car had to say. He gave generously, was kind and passed no judgment. I was convicted…by a cigarette…to change my thinking towards what ministry should look like.

I’m not going to start passing out cigarettes or anything, but I know that I will not take a passive role any longer with this issue. I’m praying for holy intervention and creativity, and I’m going to take action. My heart’s passion is women’s ministry—I love it! I am refreshed and refined when I am able to pour into the lives of women. However, that doesn’t excuse me from neglecting the needs of others. Love. It knows no limits or boundaries. It’s unconditional in its purest form. And I know the only One who loves so selflessly, perfectly. Shouldn’t they?

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

-John 13:34-35

yes please

It’s been quite some time since I intentionally set aside more than my daily “quiet time” with the Lord. I’ve felt His gentle whisper inviting me to fellowship with Him, never demanding but always hopeful. My life is busy these days. The truth is, however, that I just haven’t wanted to spend extra time with Him lately. I know that He’s going to ask me to do things that are uncomfortable and, quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing crickets concerning certain situations. I’m tired of crying tears that seem to go unnoticed. I’m tired of serving Him with so much and feeling so…tired. I'm tired of simply going through the motions. Be still, my beloved.

So I got up early Saturday morning, devoting my day to prayer and fellowship. Within minutes of pouring my morning coffee I was praising Him for the beautiful, crisp morning, his goodness and grace, his provision. I then began thanking Him for the many amazing women in my life and lifting up their spoken and unspoken needs and requests. Isn’t that just like the Lord? Redirecting our affections off of ourselves. It was only then that the Lord began dealing with my own heart issues. Am I even expecting the Lord to accomplish all that He has promised? Do I pray with the same faith for myself that I do for others? Do I need to forgive someone(s)?

It’s amazing how refreshed my soul was after my morning with Him. Seriously, refreshed. And while I am still a work in progress I am immensely grateful that to the Lord for continually renewing my mind. And, thankful that He has equipped me with everything I will need for this journey. 

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Tim. 3:17

I love you, dear ones! Press on!

poor poor pitiful...me?

I'm having one of those weeks where everything seems to be annoying me. Of course, the slurping of coffee and chomping of gum are things that always send a surge of annoyance up my spine. But this week I have been hyper-sensitive. I was annoyed by things like the sound of typing keyboards, low humming and laughter. I know. And then I'd get annoyed for being annoyed at such trivial things.

The past couple of weeks have been hard, but last Thursday I hit the peak. I was given some news that should have excited and flattered me, but instead it seemed to bring all of my insecurities to the surface. I mean, the chance of this thing actually happening is slim, but the point I'm making here is that there is a chance that this thing could happen. When I think about the ways that the Lord is moving in my life it both scares and excites me. So last Thursday as I was laying wide awake feeding my insecurities of not being (add insecurity) enough I was convicted by the fact that I have been so self-absorbed lately. The devil comes to *steal , kill and destroy* and that's exactly what he has been accomplishing within me lately. I've let him whisper lies to me and I've accepted them as truth. So, I'm working on the second part of that verse *I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.*

I want a full life. So, I've started the process, again, of letting the Lord search those places in my heart that are guarded by lock and key. It's hard, but the beautiful thing is that He will never tell me that I'm not (add insecurity) enough. For, I am the apple of His eye and nothing that I do will separate me from his perfect love. That's just freeing. And it makes me feel like dancing. If I were an iPod girl I'd like to think that I would look something like this:

damage control

Last night something terrible happened--hail! We've had so much of the stuff this year and I don't like it one bit! Here's a picture of the garden in my backyard. Poor little guy. :(

I didn't have a chance to survey the damage this morning, but last night I saw that most of those baby plants were broken right in two. I'm hopeful that this garden will still produce fruit, maybe those cute little tomatoes and peppers will grow up to be big and fat and strong. After all, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? I think about all of the hours of watering and weeding that went into that little plot. Hours! My roommate has been so faithful to those tender plants. The really sad part is that the storm lasted, oh...5 minutes? All those hours of hard word destroyed in 5 minutes?!?

And then I started thinking about myself, and the storms that I have lived through. Is my faith weak? Will I break under the weight and pressure that life throws my way? Or, is my faith growing stronger each day, being refined and perfected by the storms and fires? I'm going for big and fat and strong faith--I don't ever want to be accused of having wimpy, skinny faith...ever! Big and Beautiful! Big and Beautiful! But, you know what? That kind of faith requires my willingness to allow the Lord to water, weed and prune me in order for the woman He created to shine as He intended from the beginning of time itself.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. -James 1:2-4

dancing on the rooftop top of the world

My heart truly overfloweth tonight. I've lived in Ft. Collins for 9 months now (9 months!) and tonight as I looked around a room full of beautiful women my eyes filled with tears. This is where the Lord wants me at this time, these are some of the women that I get to do life with, these are some of the women that I have the privilege and honor to pour into, to minister to, to encourage. And, they are the ones that I'm going to be leaning on and sharing my hopes and disappointments with as well. I left an amazing community of brothers and sisters back in Alabama and, quite honestly, I was really doubtful that I would find that here. It's different, no doubt, but good. No...it's great! What a unique community Ft. Collins has and I am so thankful that the Lord answers prayer even when my faith is small. He has provided me with more than I even dared to ask. I can't say that this happened out of the blue for I have been very intentional, but I can tell you that it happened naturally and rather flawlessly...almost like He knows the plans that He has for me... And by almost I mean assuredly so. Ahh! Community.