God?

This is not a question concerning His existence. Of that I am certain. No, this is a question pleading for help, direction, the *okay, here I am...what's next?* You see, for the past few months, years really, the Lord has been telling me that He has more planned for my life. And to that I say a hearty, *THANK YOU!* I so desire the kind of faith that leads people into the unknown, where they find the very thing that they were created for, their purpose. I want to be a giant, in the faith sort of way. You know why? Because I desire more than just living to live. More than just making it. Just plain more...more of Him and less of me.

I'm in the middle of the largest leap of faith I have ever taken. I put my house on the market back in April, and quit my job while I was in China in July. Why? Out of obedience. Period. I am far too rational, level-headed, and realistic to do such drastic things in the middle of a recession. And, you know what??? I believe He's opened up a door to something really exciting, and pointing me in the direction I've always desired. He's aligning everything and taking care of the smallest of details because He loves me so much deeper and purer than I ever even imagined. It's time!

It's time for me to take my place and step up to the higher calling that He has placed on my life. It's time for me to stop wondering what will happen when I step out. It's time for me to stop worrying about how everything is going to work out. It's time for me to start trusting that the Lord will provide for my every need, just as He always has. It's time for me to start living boldly and loving big. It's time. It's just time.

*Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.* ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Blessings!

My Seester

Man! I miss my sister! She left for Utah on Monday and the house is so quiet and still without her. I sure hope I'm strong enough to make it here without my best friend. She really is my best friend. I love her and want the absolute best for her. She's going to do great things!

We have the same sense of humor. We are always quoting lines from our favorite movies. We're so funny. "A glad heart makes a cheerful face..." ~Proverbs 15:13

One of our favorite things to do is drive. Nowhere in particular, just drive. We've had so many good talks on these rides. "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." ~Romans 12:9

She grew up too fast--she's such a beautiful young woman, inside and out. You are "fearfully and wonderfully made..." ~Psalm 139:14

I love you to the moon and back. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." ~1 Corinthians 13:4

We've been each others support through some pretty tough times. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." ~1Thessalonians 5:11

And now...she's starting her own journey. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11

I love you little,

I love you big,

I love you like

a little pig.

Walking in my Wilderness

Picture from tearsinabottle.wordpress.com

Without a doubt, I know that I was not created for ordinary. No way! I'm a vessle of honor in the house of my Lord. And I refuse to settle. You know why? Because settling doesn't make sense; it won't make life easier, safer, more comfortable, or even more stable. In fact, He has reminded me over and over that the best place to be is in the center of His will. Plus, I like danger and adventure too much to live in the safety zone.

I recently read a book that I'm convinced was written just for me for this specific time in my life. It's called *One in a Million: Journey to Your Promised Land* by Pricilla Shirer. Seriously, a must read, ladies! Pricilla mentions that we don't walk through desert times in our lives, rather we walk through the wilderness just as the Israelites did thousands of years ago. The distinction that she made between these two environments absolutely ROCKED my socks right off! A desert is a dry, harsh, hot, unforgiving, dusty, baron land. And, while a wilderness may have stretches that are less than appealing to the eyes and seem impossible to trek, in that very same wilderness you will also find little *pockets of paradise.* Running streams of cool, refreshing water, plush vegetation, rich vibrant colors, shade for the weary traveler.

How fitting that I am in Wyoming visiting my parents right after reading this book. Wyoming is so untouched in so many ways--I absolutely love God's attention to intricate details! My current wilderness is not knowing my future. Will my house sell? Where will I be living? How will I be using my giftings to serve the Lord? When will I become WE? So many dangling questions, yet I'm finding such joy in not knowing all the details because I know that I am going to be taken care of. I know that my worry will not find the answers quicker. And, you know what? The Lover of my soul is giving me little oasis' in the middle of my wilderness: a very understanding, loving boss; a supportive family; an outstanding body of believers to fellowship and travel on this journey with; the opportunity to return to China this summer! And, these are only a few; every day He is showing me how much I am loved and cherished, and how all I have to do is trust--and leap with Him! It's all faith from here on out. I'm truly convinced that His unexpecteds will exceed my expecteds, they ALWAYS do. This wilderness wandering is simply a time for me to grow closer to the One who loves me more than I can even imagine.

To me a desert represents hopelessness, and a wilderness hope. Just think of what's on the other side of your wilderness--Canaan. A land flowing with milk and honey! Let's tackle our wilderness' with hope, trusting that the One who created us will lead us to our very own promised land! Enjoy the wilderness, draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you (James 4:8)! Even if I gain nothing more than a more intimate relationship with my Jesus, this whole wilderness will be well worth the trials. I love you dearly, fellow traveler!

Blessings!

Layers

Recently I started an art journal (in that I have completed about 1/10 of 1 page). And, trust me, I cannot think of a more unlikely person to do an "art" journal. I love to journal...it's easy for me to write down my thoughts, fears, and prayers in words. I can easily pour my heart out. Lately, however, I've been really dissatisfied with some things in my life--mainly the fact that I live such a safe and, sadly, ordinary life. I have so many dreams, most of which I'm scared to actually start. I often find myself holding back, testing the waters, regretting the "what ifs" that I let pass me by. And, I've realized that I've learned how to conform very well. Yep, that's right...I'm a conformist, as least in some areas of my life. My job is the main area of my life that causes me so much grief. I know that what I'm being asked to teach, and the manner in which I'm expected to teach is NOT best for the students. I am blessed to work for a principal who trusts my judgement and gives me certain freedoms, but I am still very confined and feel like I'm suffocating in the very thing that is supposed to refresh me and allow me to use my gifts and touch young lives. Sure, I know how to write the best lesson plans, put on a great performance when I have visitors in my room, and teach the curriculum to "fidelity." But, at the end of the day I know that I could have made more of an impact if I would have been given the freedom to differentiate more, individualize to my specific little ones, and (heaven forbid) add in a little fun. But, I digress...back to the art journal...

In reading up on art journals and learning different techniques I've come to understand the importance of layering. Upon first glance a page may seem very simple, but a closer look shows the torn pages, pictures, words, paints, glitter, etc. that all work together to express a thought, idea, mood. It's all so intricate, yet can be so simple. As I'm learning more about myself and the woman I'm destined to be, I'm discovering my layers. I'm not just a daughter, sister, friend, and teacher...no! I'm a perceiver, a dreamer, a believer (and a Believer), an adventure seeker, and so much more. As scary as it is to reveal some of these layers, I know that in doing so I will become an even better reflection of my Jesus, and I will start looking more like the woman He has created me to be.

So, it's not much now, but I'm hoping it will turn into a beautiful hodge-podge of my creative being. The scariest part is making the first mark. I'm afraid I'll mess up, or create something ugly, but it's all a part of my journey. "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Ps. 139:14. "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His holy name." ~Ps. 100:4. Happy journaling!

Blessings!

Freedom

I'm a perfectionist by nature. And, in no way do I tell you this as a brag--rather, I'm confessing it to you as sin. I know that God has given me unique traits, abilities, and giftings; however, I also know that my flesh has twisted the intended purposes of these traits in order to find glorification and self-worth in the eyes of the world. I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to try something new, do something crazy, take a chance and been held back by my own fears. This fear is gripping, and it's always there to put me back into my place, my box. You can't. You'll just end up looking silly. Who do you think you are? Don't even try. It's truly my own self-destructive thoughts that crush my spirit--in fact, I'm surrounded by people who fill me with words of affirmation. Maybe I'm afraid that if I try something new I will be seen as *gasp* average and the praise from others will stop. Maybe I'm afraid that if I step out of my comfort zone I will find that I truly cannot do anything except that which has held me in bondage for so long. Or, maybe I'm afraid of the risk involved in finding something truly extraordinary when ordinary seems so safe.

It's a funny thing, this whole idea of safety. I don't even want to live in the "safe zone." Nope. My heart wants to step out and do something great, something that involves danger and adventure. Let's face it, I'd rather jump out of the plane than watch from the safety of the ground below. Why? Because it's more exciting, more exhilarating, and once it's over there's a greater sense of accomplishment. And, I'm finding that the more I stay in my, quote, un-quote, comfort zone the more I'm finding a sense of discomfort in my soul. And, honestly, I think if I don't take a leap of faith, well, I'm going to miss out on something truly amazing.

About 2 months ago I was at a retreat, (a truly life changing retreat). I went up for prayer and received the most freeing words that have ever been spoken over me...THE FREEDOM TO FAIL. Are you kidding me?! Those were just the words I needed to hear, to receive. In whose eyes would I be failing, anyway? When I feel the weight of the world upon my shoulder, or become overtaken by my own fears I simply cling to my Father's precious promises:

*I can't! Oh, but you can, my love. You can do all things through Me, for I strengthen you. (Phil. 4:13)

*I'll just end up failing! You are more than a conqueror! I will cause you to triumph, and I will diffuse the fragrance of My knowledge everywhere you go. (Rom. 8:37; 2 Cor. 2:14)

*Who do I think I am? You are My child, My beloved, holy. You are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. (Col. 3:12; Rom. 1:7; 1 Peter 1:16; Eph. 1:4; Deut. 28:13)

*It's just too hard! In Me, you are strong. You shall overcome and inherit all things. (Ps. 27:1; Ps. 73:26; Rev. 21:7)

So, I haven't yet exercised this newly found freedom, but I'll keep you posted. I know that in the near future I'm going to be spreading my wings and learning to trust like I never have before. I have faith that I am going to witness miracles, experience healings, and fall more deeply in love with the One whom my soul truly longs for. And...it's going to be a wild ride!

Blessings!

Whispers of Truth

Being surrounded by the beauty of God's creation reminds me to be still. Some prefer the crashing of waves and the warm, sandy beaches; I have always been drawn to the mountains, to the West. My time in Wyoming has been much needed--physical rest for my weary body, peace for my wondering mind, and refreshment for my thirsty soul. It's amazing how minute my problems seem when I'm looking up at majestic mountains that my Creator made without breaking a sweat. No mountain is too big for Me or too much for Me to handle, my love. That still small voice whispers truth so deeply that it pierces my very soul. He reminds me of His promise that with faith I can command my mountain (of fear, doubt, loneliness) to be cast into the sea and not only hope, but expect that it will be done (Mark 11:23). Unfortunately, but really fortunately, His timing is not my own...

These past few months have been a bit overwhelming...I've heard the voice of my loving Abba loud and clear, directing me in ways I never expected, and revealing bits of the future that He has in store for me. It is in this season in which I might normally despair that I find myself clinging to the cross and running to Him with reckless abandonment. He is using uncomfortable grains of sand, (being discontent with my job, harsh words spoken over me, bearing a calling that I can do nothing about except wait for His perfect timing), to polish me and develop me into His perfect pearl, a pearl fit for the King. Sometimes, when I let my flesh woman analyze, I find myself doubting. Are you sure, Lord? Did I hear you correctly? I just don't see how this is possible. It's not possible for you, dear one. All things are possible through Me. I am your strength and your shield. You are the apple of My eye. I have given you these desires, impossible as they may seem to you. Lean on me. Trust in me. Keep your eyes on Me, for I am the Light that guides your steps.

He has created us all for a very specific purpose, in fact, our purpose is so specific that no one can take the place of another. I've known for quite some time that the Lord is preparing me for something HUGE, something that I can't even fathom. And, it's in the times that I begin to compare myself to others that I'm reminded of Jeremiah 29:11. He knows the very specific plans for my life, and He has promised me hope in that future. He also, often not so gently, reminds me of my prayer to live an extraordinary life. How can I compare when I'm expecting something completely extraordinary, specially engineered and crafted just for me?

So, as my character is being developed and the attacks come from every angle, or so it seems, I will cover myself with the protective armor of the Lord. Wearing the helmet of salvation I will not only protect my mind from the lies of the enemy, but I will control my own destructive thoughts. I will protect my heart and soul with the breastplate of righteousness; not my own, mind you, but with the the blood of Jesus that was shed so that I may walk blameless in the sight of the Lord. I will wear the belt of Truth--a seemingly small piece, but the very component that holds all the other pieces together. With the sword of the Spirit I will pierce the enemy with the infallible Word. My shield of faith will protect me from the fiery darts that are shot my way--unworthiness, guilt, shame. And, as I go into unknown territories, I will prepare my feet with the gospel, always ready to give an account for my hope, joy, peace, love. I will seek wisdom from fellow believers. And, above all else I will remember to pray continually so that I may know the perfect will of the Lord.

"And now, may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, equip you with all you need for doing His will." ~Hebrews 13:20-21

Blessings!

Dance

Dance has always been something significant in my life. Yes, I took dance classes, but it’s always been so much more. It’s an outward expression of happiness and love…and, well, it’s one of my deepest and purest forms of worship. My living room can quickly become a holy place of worship as I pirouette and glide on the hardwood floor. Bound, leap, and step in time to the music. I love dancing for my audience of One!

I remember a time, longer ago than I’d like to admit, when my parents used to move our family room furniture to the perimeter of the room, turn on the music, and glide gracefully as one. Their steps were together, their spins in time, and their smiles…oh, their smiles! I secretly loved these times, even though they’d usually happen when a friend was over and as a teenager I’d have to put on the annoyed, embarrassed glare. I thought they were the best dancers…and, quite honestly, I haven’t met a more perfect couple yet.

It was in that very room that my father taught me the waltz, the two-step, and even the basic box step. He is such a terrific leader—strong, confident, sure. As a young girl I used to stand on his feet, and he’d always find a way to slip my name into the songs so that I was the object of admiration and affection. I loved it when he’d use his “John Denver” voice.

It’s no wonder that dancing is so dear to my heart. I associate it with togetherness, close bonds, love. I am now learning a new dance, and it is no longer my earthly father’s feet on which I am standing, but my heavenly Father’s. The steps I am taking now are steps of faith—ones which require complete trust and obedience. I’ll admit, I’ve butchered many steps, tripped over my own feet, and sat out a few bars. However, He’s always there with His righteous right hand outstretched and ready for another go. At times I’m strong enough to perform with my own feet, but at others He allows me to rest upon His while he strengthens me and prepares me for another number. I often have to remind myself of who’s leading this dance…it’s not me. We have lots of disputes over the choreography. I want to turn left, He says turn right, I want to swing, He says we’ll waltz. Or, maybe I think I’m ready to dance with that fellow, and He reminds me that everything has it’s time. He’s strengthening, teaching, and readying me to be the woman that He’s created me to be…the wife He’s created me to be…the mother He’s created me to be…so that my ultimate dance partner and I will compliment each other perfectly and dance the dance that was created just for us…

Blessings!