Monday, May 25, 2009

Waiting

I love park benches. Well, okay, not the actual benches, but the closeness that they can create. The atmosphere surrounding them is open, relaxed, non-threatening. Just think of the secrets shared on them, the young love discovered, the connections between old lovers and friends rekindled. They may not have the comfort or beauty of a couch, but there is something so warmly welcomed about the sights, smells, and sounds of nature that entice and create bonds, whether words are spoken or not. Kisses. Giggles. Whispers. Words.

On the flip side they can also induce feelings of loneliness, reminding us of a lost love, a distant friend, a broken relationship. Solitude. Not that solitude is a bad thing...in fact, it's much needed at times. This is the season that I'm finding myself in lately--pulling myself away from the business of life (in the middle of a busy time in my life) and, in the words of Mat Kearney, drawing "closer to love." Although I am no where near knowing the fullness of Love, I've come to understand it a bit more this past year.

I so very much desire a face-to-face, honest to goodness, let’s sit down and have a cup of coffee encounter with the Lord. I’ve learned so much about the power that I have through the Holy Spirit, and as silly as it may seem…I’m learning to not fear the Spirit’s work in and through my life. But, I digress…that really is another story altogether. This past year I have pleaded for direct answers to the more, uhh, “pressing” issues in my life, and honestly I’ve heard a lot of crickets and, well, utter silence. Should I…? What about…? Where…? Who…? And, probably most importantly in my little world…Why…???

In my longing to hear a beaming voice from my loving Abba…I often find myself returning to a bench that overlooks a river. It’s nestled away in between some trees, off the beaten path…if you will. At first, I must say, I was rather disappointed that I was not joined by a burning bush, a cloud of smoke, or even a talking donkey. And, the tears would often flow as I would sit and pray and fight against the looming loneliness. (You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle…Ps. 56:8) However, slowly but surely the Spirit reminded me to listen to the gentle whispers of truth being spoken to my soul. I began to slowly realize that the answers to my questions can all be found in Love…perfect Love, with perfect patience, timing, and wisdom. I am not Loved because of what I can do or will do, or even for the woman I will eventually become; I am Loved because of who I am, and to whom I belong. I was made in the very image of the all knowing, all powerful Creator, and nothing I have done or will do will ever change that perfect Love that He has for me. It’s through this Love that I am facing trials, building endurance, and strengthening my character. It’s through this Love that I am learning to wait patiently, seek direction, and joyfully accept the unexpecteds. So, while I still struggle to know the answers to all my queries, I find rest in knowing that I can truly cease striving and know that I am deeply, truly, and completely Loved.

And, I’ve also realized that all of those times I was “waiting” for a response from the Lord…he was actually waiting patiently for me to surrender to his gentle proddings and deep whispers of truth. Truly, truly…how great it is to be Loved by You!!!


Blessings!