holy explosion

Merry Christmas! Tonight I'm coming to you from BC, Canada. It's truly beautiful up here, and I'm reminded, for the 5th time in 5 years, that home is not a place...it can't be. The past 5 Christmases have been spent in Tuscaloosa, AL, Chicago, IL, Kemmerer, WY (2 different houses), and now Chetwynd, BC, Canada. I don't have a "childhood house" that I return to year after year, but I have the love of my family that deepens as we grow older. We have kept many family traditions, (some 20+ years), and made new ones over the years. I'm always so amazed at the parents that the Lord has blessed me with; I'm grateful for the risks that they've taken for this family, and more than anything I've so grateful that the Lord has always been the center, faith the firm foundation on which we stand.

Christmas always seems to be a time of reflection and as I look over this past year I get teary-eyed. I've learned so many faith lessons, discovered new passions and met some pretty incredible people. Not to mention...I have the privilege and honor to work alongside others as they begin their journey of serving the Lord in Asia. Sometimes, I still cannot believe that this is my life right now. But, the thing that I am most humbled over is in my increased confidence in God as He works in and through me. Confidence was my word for 2011 and I wish I could say that it was a breeze, but it was actually quite the opposite. It was hard...it still is hard. I trust that the Lord will continue to refine me so that I will confidently step up to the things that He is stirring in my heart. Mainly, the dreams and desires that He's placed right in my being. Friends, these things are impossible. No, truly they are. But, I'm confident that these desires were placed on my heart by the One whose plans for my life are bigger and richer than any I can even dream or imagine. And, thank goodness that, while I cannot, He is able.

A couple of weeks ago my pastor told a story that, I'm convinced, was just for me. We had a Christmas fun night one Wednesday, complete with carriage rides, games, food, carols. It was so much fun and such a beautiful display of community. One of the games was one that involved 2L pop bottles and plastic rings. The participant got 3 rings to throw--they got to keep any pop bottles that they rung. He explained how the bottles were lined, pointing out that the furthest bottles were about as far apart as the the area where he was standing. (I won't even try to tell you how far that is because, well, I'm terrible at estimating distance...but it was pretty far.) He said the only 2 people that were able to get one of their rings around those furthest bottles were a 2 year old and a 3 year old. The didn't aim, they had no intention of getting those bottles, and their rings ricocheted off of the ceiling, walls, bannisters and fire extinguishers. He was illustrating how faith sometimes seems so reckless to the world, but makes perfect sense to the Lord. I know I haven't done this story justice, but he ended it by saying..."you're never going to get it if you don't throw your ring."

Faith is risky, often looks unpolished and always requires a sacrifice--be it time, treasure or talent. I never ever want the words..."I would never go/do __________"...to come out of my mouth. I've already said yes...and I'm sensing that He's prodding me again to take that first step, to throw my ring...and He'll take care of the rest... Is the Lord asking you to do something "risky?" You can trust Him completely, after all, He's got the whole world in His hands. 

I love this tweet by Pastor Brian Houston: *Hope & faith together are a combustible force. They have potential to explode into answered prayers!* BOOM! I love this illustration of hope and faith being combustible forces--supernatural and explosive!

Blessings to you and yours! xox

inconceivable

Hello, hello! It's been a while since we last met. As I'm typing this I'm wishing you and I were sitting in a cozy coffee shop, or together on my overstuffed comfy couch. I'm imagining us chatting about things big and small, laughing together and maybe even shedding a tear or two with one another. I love quality time with friends, and even if we've never met face-to-face I think you're lovely.

Today was a great day! I enjoyed a beautiful worship service with my Love, finished my Christmas shopping, painted my nails all sparkly and pink, and ended the day in a room full of some of the greatest people around! My heart could truly just explode right now. I don't know the precise time of when it happened, but somewhere in the past year I have become a part of a super great community here in Ft. Collins. I just can't even believe how blessed I am, and not just with this community, but with all of the communities that I've had the privilege of serving alongside.

This past week has had it's challenges for sure, and an old *friend* surfaced--worry. I don't even know why I let that ugliness creep into my life, but I will say that I am much better at giving over my worries to the Lord quicker and easier than before. I am a work in progress--progress being the key. Through all the ups and downs, highs and lows, I'm making positive, passionate strides of progress. And, I'm learning each and every day more about the never ending, never failing sovereignty of my Father. And so, *great* day or not, I will rejoice in the Lord always...again, I say rejoice.

Blessings upon you today, friend.

blessing or curse?

Hello, dear bloggy friend! You're looking just lovely today. I've had a wonderfully relaxing weekend with some beautiful surprises...the Lord just continues to remind me of His deep, unending love for me. It's both humbling and overwhelming to know that the Creator of the universe is in reckless pursuit of me, and you too! This week I was reminded of the power we hold in our words. I love encouraging and spurring others on...love! I had the honor of encouraging a dear woman that I've been working with for the past few months. She called me crying from a public library restroom. Through prayer and Truth this sister began to realize, yet again, that the Lord has not forgotten her, that He does indeed have a plan and purpose for her life. I love how Proverbs 16:24 describes gentle words as honeycomb, sweetness to the soul. Who doesn't want their words to be described as sweetness to the soul, right?

You know, with our words we speak either life or death, blessing or curse. I don't know about you, but I want to be a life giver, building others up in Truth and encouraging them in their calling. Of course we misuse our words at times, we're human, but, what would it be like if we were more aware and careful with our words? What if we were more careful with our twitters and our facebook status updates? I love reading funny updates, encouraging scripture updates, life updates. I don't like reading complainy, ugly updates. I know it's so easy to complain about that person that just cut you off in traffic, but I challenge you to "hold back your thumbs." We need to know when it's better to tweet nothing at all. An SUV pulled in front of me the other day and the back end was plastered with bumper stickers that reminded me that I need to be praying for not only the man driving the SUV, but the Church in general.

Let's be Joy Givers, speakers of life and Truth. Let's be those little lights that we've been singing about since childhood. May our lives point others towards Christ.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4:29

I love this song by Gungor, Beautiful Things:

Be blessed! Be a blessing!

reckless

Jump! I'll catch you! These words were spoken to me as I was standing on the diving board as a young girl. My swimming instructor was loosing her patience with me. Why couldn't I just make the commitment to jump? I wanted to. Really I did, but I just couldn't do it...not then. I was so petrified and her exasperation only upset me more. I was afraid of the water, but more than that I didn't trust her. It was my daddy who taught me how to float on my back and dive into the water. I trusted him, and even though the water was scary I knew he would always be there to catch me.

Jump, my love! I hear this phrase often from the One who knows me best. Sometimes it comes as a whisper, sometimes as a loud shout. Sometimes the jumps require me to overcome pride. Go talk to that man. Give her a call. Apologize for your attitude. At other times the jumps require blind faith. Move to China. Quit your job, even though you do not have another one lined up. Lately, it seems, the Lord is asking me to trust in the *impossible.* Ask and you shall receive. Pray always. This type of leap is the hardest for me because it literally takes me out of the equation. The Lord is teaching me to pray in faith, trust Him completely. Which, honestly, is really beautiful because I'll be able to rejoice and give Him all the praise when He brings these things about in His perfect timing. 

Beautiful Trust

I pray that I will take these seemingly reckless leaps of faith all my days, knowing that the arms I will fall into will always be there to catch me, comfort me, guide me. Remembering that even more than my earthly father, my Heavenly Father will never fail me. I pray that my response, and yours, to His calling will always be a confident, trusting, *Yes, Lord.*

Press on! Keep jumping.

key2free

Dear Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Go throughout the city of Jerusalem and put a mark on the forehead of those who grieve and lament over all the detestable things that are done in it. ~Ezekiel 9:4

As I was reading in Ezekiel yesterday those words pierced my heart, quite literally, they brought me to tears. The Lord was about to allow massive destruction in the city due to the grotesque defilement taking place, sparing only the lives of those with the mark. They would be known as the remnant. What sets us apart today? Our crosses? Our fish? Our WWJD bracelets? But, are we grieving and lamenting over the detestable things taking place in our world? Are our heart really breaking for things like injustice, poverty, slavery?

A couple of years ago the Lord began breaking my heart for the victims of human trafficking. The numbers are overwhelming with an estimated 27 million victims worldwide; there are more victims of slavery today than ever before. This is even a problem here in America, where we proudly boast, Land of the Free! That's not what the tens of thousands of victims in the US alone are thinking. What can I do? I'm glad you asked...

I encourage you to check out an organization that I support called The A21 Campaign. It was started by the wildly passionate and inspirationally fierce Christine Caine. While you can always make a donation or buy paraphernalia that will support the cause and even help start conversations with others, there is a specific way to get involved on Friday November 11-by hosting a Key2Free party. Yes. A party. Check out the website for more details. You can do something. You have resources. You have friends. You have a voice.

Let's be those world changers that we all dream about being. Together we can make a difference. Together we can help end human trafficking. So, if you didn't know...now you do. Go. Be a voice for the voiceless.

Consider yourselves encouraged and empowered! Go get em! xx

break my heart

Sometimes I wonder why I'm here--here being America, not the proverbial philosophical here. I so badly want to be right there on the front lines, in the trenches...overseas, reaching the unreached. I see those precious little faces from Africa, Asia, the Middle East and I immediately want to GO. I mean, after all, aren't we called to Go and make disciples of all nations? And then I go to a staff meeting where my boss is opening his Bible to the scripture passage that will lead our meeting. *reality check* I am in the trenches. I am fighting the good fight. AND, I have the absolute honor and privilege of helping equip and send others that will touch lives and shine Light all over Asia! I am mobilizing others who together will reach more people than I could alone--I get to be a part, however small that may be, of their work. Without doubt the Lord has called me here to Colorado for this season, long or short, and I am committed to serving him with excellence no matter where I am.

I absolutely love women's ministry--love! My heart overflows with joy when I have the opportunity to listen to the stories of women, pour into their lives, encourage them with truth. You are so deeply loved, dear one. Deeply. Purely. Endlessly loved by the Lord of the Universe, the one who calls you princess. And, you were created for a purpose. It gives me chills just thinking about the power of the spoken Truth. I've seen chains broken, strongholds released and hope restored. Absolutely beautiful! As I've been realizing my heart's passions, the Lord has also stirred in me an urgency for caring for the poor, those imprisoned and without a voice, the abused. I've always felt compassion, yet felt too overwhelmed to do anything. I cannot stand silently any longer. I have resources, I have a voice and I am determined to do something to help put an end to poverty and human trafficking. The numbers are overwhelming, but we can all do something...we, as believers, are called to help the poor, not turn a blind eye. The Bible is full of verses about caring for the poor, verses like Proverbs 31:9, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Who knows where the Lord will lead me in the future. I've said yes to anywhere, anytime, anything, any cost. So, while I'm here in Colorado I will continue to pour into this community, serving and loving the poor, ministering to the precious women of this community and serving as a missionary barista. :)  What are you doing to reach out to the needy around you? I challenge you to do something. Invest into eternity. Step out of your comfort zone. Be Light in the darkness.

Press on and keep fighting the good fight, where ever you are, beloved!

snap...crackle...pop

I was feeling all Mary Tyler Moore today as I strolled the sidewalks of Old Town, skipping a bit; I even waved at some men who were painting one of the shops, readying it for it's grand opening. They waved. It was like my very own musical, minus the music and the other participants. Which reminds me...we really need to dance more...

This week we had our first snow. I'll admit, I was a bit of a doubting Debbie that we would actually get any because the news people got my hopes up so many times last year and we wouldn't even get one snowflake. This one was pretty big, though. Tuesday night we got about 7 inches of snow and it continued all day Wednesday. It was glorious. And I was glad to go into work on Wednesday because a branch fell on a power line and my power was out for about 10 hours. In fact about 150K people lost power in Northern Colorado due to that destructive snow. You see, the trees were not done being all fally and beautiful and most of them still had their beautifully colored leaves. Many of the limbs broke under the weight of the snow and leaves. Some big, some small, some old, some young. Clean-up efforts are still underway.

At first I was so sad for all of the trees; they were all droopy and I imagined them mourning the loss of their limbs. But then it occurred to me that those branches that broke off were weaker than the other ones, maybe some of them were already dying, maybe some of them were just not yet strong enough to carry weight, maybe some of them never would be strong enough. And, although the limbs were not removed cleanly or perhaps even properly, maybe the Lord was just pruning them natures way.

All of this got me to thinking about how often I question the Lord about things that He does. I just don't understand why you would do that, Lord. And He will remind of Isaiah 55:8 where He clearly states that his thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are my ways His ways. I think about the ways the Father has pruned/is pruning the bad from my life--things like perfectionism, lack of confidence and lack of faith. He's used circumstances and situations that I would have liked to avoid, but honestly, I needed to go though, I needed to feel the pain of walking through the fire and rejoice in it's refining power. I can guarantee you that I never thought that mourning the loss of a close friendship would lead to a deeper, more intimate prayer life. I never thought that utter and complete death spoken over me would lead to surrender and increased confidence in the woman that I am in Christ. And, I never could have imagined that being the new girl in a community, yet again, would soften my heart and open my eyes to new ministry opportunities to work both directly and indirectly with those who are imprisoned, voiceless, used and abused.

God is so good, and as long as there are areas that need to be pruned in my life I say, bring on the snow! Or fire! Wind, rain...or other element...


Blessings to you, dear one!

battle wound

I've had some things on my mind lately but haven't known quite how to put them down as meaningful strands of words. I've cried a lot this past week. True, I'm a crier, but lately my tears have been due to some harsh words spoken over me. I'm a recovering perfectionistic people-pleaser, but if I can just be transparent for a moment, I relapse into these habits more that I'd like to admit. About 2 years ago now I was given the freedom to fail and I'm walking in that as I'm learning to take faith risks, you know those scary times when the Lord asks you to do something irrational and downright crazy (in the world's eyes, anyway)? I'm also learning that not everyone is going to like me, accept me or even be nice to me. I've really struggled with sharing this story because I'm afraid of what you, my cyber-friends, might think of me, but it's a story I want to share...and maybe even more importantly, need to share.

Last week I met with a man who had registered for one of our programs. I went into the meeting thinking that I would explain more about our programs and answer any of his questions about the application process, support raising, and all the other steps involved in preparing to serve overseas. Apparently we didn't have the same agenda in mind and from the beginning I knew it wasn't going to go well. In his eyes I wasn't qualified to answer his questions and he was just never happy with my response to talk with our leadership about some of his "organizational" concerns and get back to him. The meeting started out uncomfortable and only got worse. In the course of 30 minutes I was told that I was one of the most disrespectful young women that this man had ever met, judgmental and that my attitude was borderline sinful. His attacks on my organization, age, gender and position were hard, but his attacks on my character cut me deep...I walked away from that meeting confused, beaten down and completely wounded. I've never in my life been talked to in such a demeaning manner, nor has death been spoken to me so directly. Immediately after this meeting I began to go over every little thing that happened, wondering how I could have acted so poorly when representing an organization that I love so dearly. His comments continue to ring in my ears even tonight. I accepted every harsh word he said, every evil eye he shot my way, every condescending wag of his finger. And, that night I actually believed those lies about myself.

I am now able to look at this situation with clearer vision. The comments spoken to me that night were straight from the enemy. I'm ashamed to say that I allowed this man to speak death straight into my life, yet I'm so very particular about those I allow to speak spiritual truth into my life. Why did I receive those lies so easily? One of my dear friends who is living in Vietnam sent me the greatest email and the last line is what struck me the most: all I can think is that some great things are on the horizon for someone to be working so hard against you. She knows my heart and knows what I believe the Lord is telling me as far as my future ministry. And lately I've had so many people speaking truth into who the Lord has made me to be that it really only makes sense that Satan would feel the need to kill, steal and destroy any amount of confidence that has been growing in my character, my hope, my faith. And maybe for the first time I'm really realizing that we are in a battle and that taking up my cross any following Him is something that I must do every single day. Although I've released these words from my life, I'm still healing from the wounds that they left behind. They're still tender and I continually go to the Lord for healing...for Him to speak truth into these lie wounds. And here is just a portion of what He's been telling me...

My love, you are the head and not the tail. You are above and not beneath. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are the apple of my eye. You are my daughter, my princess, and I have big plans for your life. I created you and more than anything...I love you.

My Father's words sooth, heal and empower me to do His will. And, I find that when I believe these words I am able to pray for this man and his future, that he will be blessed in all that he does. I am thankful that my wounds are turning into scars because I know that my scars will act as Light for others (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

You are deeply loved, dear ones!

stan

Today I'm working from a Starbucks right in the middle of Nashville. I'm sitting outside under the covered porch just minding my own business and enjoying the pretty music coming from my new purple ear buds. It's a beautiful day, about 80 degrees I'd guess and as long as the chilly breeze stays away I'm almost perfect, temperature wise (with my hoodie on of course).

As I was sitting here answering emails and preparing my calls and meeting for the afternoon a man sat down at a table across from me, clothes tattered and old backpack stuffed full of probably all he owns. Immediately the Lord told me to offer this man something to eat...my thoughts were flooded with excuses. I don't want to offend him. I can't leave my computer and stuff here at the table. And the worst one of all, I'm really not comfortable going up to him. Really? You're going to be too inconvenienced to offer someone something to eat and drink? Well...this man, who is probably nameless or worse, faceless, to most, has a deep booming voice, and gives a good, firm hand shake. His name is Stan and he loves a good vanilla latte.

I tell you this story because I can't even fathom how many Stan's I've walked by, how many I've avoided because of some rational excuse. I'm ashamed of myself because I pray daily for opportunities to share the love of Christ with others and then I turn my nose up to, or coward at, the opportunities that the Lord entrusts to me. I'm heartbroken because our society is so numb, so blind to the needs of others. We have conditioned ourselves to avoid eye contact and walk on by the lame and hurting. We are so plugged in that we forget there are actually people, flesh and blood, breathing the same air around us. We stay inside our safe homes, our safe churches even, shining our light among other lights. But what about our call to be the Light in the places overwhelmed by darkness? Oh, no. Those are scary, unsafe, and we'll just leave those places for the really super spiritual folks.

I guess that's the thing about faith. It's not promised safety or comfort. But really, what good adventure is safe or comfortable? It's in the thrills that our breath is taken away, our hearts beat uncontrollably and we learn that it's way better to be right in the middle of the action than sitting on the sidelines watching. Let's be fierce warriors and warrior princesses. We are loved unconditionally and if we truly believe that Christ is the only way to salvation it's far more risky to do nothing.

confession

If you know me at all you know that I'm generally a rule follower. Well, I did touch the rhino at the Big Bass Pro Shop in Tuscaloosa even though the sign clearly stated Please Do Not Touch. I know, they even said *please* but I did it. I just reached my finger across the rope and poked the guy. I also climbed past one of the roped off parts of The Great Wall in China, which in China is really more of a suggestion than a rule, but still. I could really go on and on about rules that I've broken, maybe I should stop considering myself a follower and start the 12 step process to admitting my problem...that will have to come later because I am going to tell you about something that I disobey every Sunday, at church...

The past couple of church families that I have had the privilege of serving alongside have not had formal alter calls at the end of each service. Instead, during the closing prayer the pastors will say something like, "If you do not know Jesus and you would like to invite Him into your life today will you please slip your hand up. No one's looking around, all heads are bowed and eyes are closed..." This is the part of the prayer when I actually look up... I open my eyes. Now I know that this is done so people don't feel uncomfortable, but I love rejoicing when a new brothers and sisters make the most important decision of their lives! I always get teary eyed, feeling the need to welcome them into the family with a big hug. Today I was sitting on the end of a row right by the door and when I opened my eyes I saw a man two seats in front of me raise his hand. I'm not talking a shy kind of wavy raise. Nope. He had his hand high, he wanted to make his commitment known! After the service I made eye contact with him and gave him a big teary smile. He probably knows that I opened my eyes, but I think he appreciated my knowing smile. My prayer for these new believers is that they tell someone and seek out wise counsel and discipleship and continue to delve deep into knowing the Lord. And, really, that's what we all should be doing...

I've been listening to the new Hillsong Live CD...okay, so I've actually only listened to the entire thing a few times through. I have Rise on repeat. I can't help it--it is speaking so directly to my soul right now. Sometimes I'll think to myself okay, this is the last time but my finger never makes that commitment to press the button and the song starts again. I can't really pick out my favorite part of the song (other than the Ooos), but below is just a teaser. You should check it out, for real!

The universe on its knees

See the stars in surrender

God above kings and queens

Every idol will bend and break

But our God You will never fail

Forever and ever

Remember, dear one, our God will never fail! Press on!

prayer journey

Anticipation. Excitement. Fear. These are just some of the emotions that have been living in me the past couple of weeks. I've had such an unrest in my spirit and the Lord has challenged me to start asking big and expecting big. But every time I sit down to pray there's an underlying fear. Fear of what? Failure? Disappointment? Well, sure...but what the Lord has really revealed is that I am afraid that He will actually give me the desires of my heart. I know, it sounds so silly. Why wouldn't I want the desires of my heart to be fulfilled? I think the best way to answer this is simply because in order for my heart's desires to be realized God has to make them happen. My dreams require God. Period. I have to give him full and complete control and let Him work. This is hard for me for two reasons: one, because I like to be in control; two, because what the Lord has placed on my heart is huge and I'm not quite sure I have the confidence in myself to pray for such things. Plus, I've realized that I have all assurance and faith when praying for others, and am not surprised in the least when the Lord answers those prayers. However, when I pray for myself my faith is so weak, a pitiful...if you don't mind...if you have time...kind of attitude.

I've been so burdened with the need to pray lately. For friends and family. For churches. For leaders. It's been really overwhelming. So, I now have specific days allotted to pray for different individuals. Not in a legalistic sort or way, but rather for intentionality. How often do we say I'll be praying for you and forget the request the minute we step away from the person? I don't want to be that person; I want to be a woman of faith, prayer, integrity. And, if the Lord puts an individual on my heart and, *gasp*, it's not his/her day I'm going to lift them up, listening and being obedient to those prompting from the Spirit. This past week I felt the Lord telling me to partner in intentional agreement with a friend for 21 days. So, I enlisted my sweet friend Kelli. We have committed to agreeing specifically, intentionally and expectantly in prayer for one another each day for 21 days. I know that there is power in prayer. Power. So, here we go...what a joy and honor it is to stand in the gap for another...what a joy to know that another is standing in the gap for me...

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! -Ephesians 3:20-21

conviction from the unlikely...

Overwhelmed. That’s how I feel every time I stop at a light and see another person holding up a sign expressing need. What can I do to make a difference in these precious lives—does giving them a $5 bill really help? Ease my conscience? What can I really do anyway? If I’m being completely honest most of the time I find myself hunting around for loose bills (which, let’s face it, who carries cash these days?) or spare change and by the time I find something to give the light is green and horns are sounding. We’re always in such a hurry. And, I often have to fight those judgmental thoughts that like to show their ugly faces. Who am I to judge? I don’t even know their situations. Do I even care to know where they’ve been and what they’ve seen…or am I more concerned about my agenda and my comfortable ministry? Truth: I would rather not step too far out there—that’s just, well, uncomfortable.

So yesterday I was faced with this dilemma. I was the only car at the light, in the left hand turn lane on my way home. There was a young man, maybe around 25, on the right corner pulling his arms around himself to stay warm and dry. What can I do, Lord? What? About that time a young guy pulled up next to me in a red Audi. He was getting a cigarette for himself and without a moment’s hesitation he pulled out his last cigarette and searched around, I’m guessing, in his console until he found what he was looking for. He rolled the passenger window down and motioned for the man. With his arm stretched far and a big smile on his face he handed the man a cigarette, a lighter and a waded piece of paper, (I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it was money). As I watched this brief encounter I couldn’t hold back the tears. There was absolutely no judgment passed between the two, there was no reservation, no second thought. In no way am I condoning or suggesting that we aide addictions, but what are we, as believers, doing? And, more importantly, is it working?  I can almost guarantee you that that man on the corner would have listened to anything that the guy in the red car had to say. He gave generously, was kind and passed no judgment. I was convicted…by a cigarette…to change my thinking towards what ministry should look like.

I’m not going to start passing out cigarettes or anything, but I know that I will not take a passive role any longer with this issue. I’m praying for holy intervention and creativity, and I’m going to take action. My heart’s passion is women’s ministry—I love it! I am refreshed and refined when I am able to pour into the lives of women. However, that doesn’t excuse me from neglecting the needs of others. Love. It knows no limits or boundaries. It’s unconditional in its purest form. And I know the only One who loves so selflessly, perfectly. Shouldn’t they?

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

-John 13:34-35

yes please

It’s been quite some time since I intentionally set aside more than my daily “quiet time” with the Lord. I’ve felt His gentle whisper inviting me to fellowship with Him, never demanding but always hopeful. My life is busy these days. The truth is, however, that I just haven’t wanted to spend extra time with Him lately. I know that He’s going to ask me to do things that are uncomfortable and, quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing crickets concerning certain situations. I’m tired of crying tears that seem to go unnoticed. I’m tired of serving Him with so much and feeling so…tired. I'm tired of simply going through the motions. Be still, my beloved.

So I got up early Saturday morning, devoting my day to prayer and fellowship. Within minutes of pouring my morning coffee I was praising Him for the beautiful, crisp morning, his goodness and grace, his provision. I then began thanking Him for the many amazing women in my life and lifting up their spoken and unspoken needs and requests. Isn’t that just like the Lord? Redirecting our affections off of ourselves. It was only then that the Lord began dealing with my own heart issues. Am I even expecting the Lord to accomplish all that He has promised? Do I pray with the same faith for myself that I do for others? Do I need to forgive someone(s)?

It’s amazing how refreshed my soul was after my morning with Him. Seriously, refreshed. And while I am still a work in progress I am immensely grateful that to the Lord for continually renewing my mind. And, thankful that He has equipped me with everything I will need for this journey. 

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Tim. 3:17

I love you, dear ones! Press on!

poor poor pitiful...me?

I'm having one of those weeks where everything seems to be annoying me. Of course, the slurping of coffee and chomping of gum are things that always send a surge of annoyance up my spine. But this week I have been hyper-sensitive. I was annoyed by things like the sound of typing keyboards, low humming and laughter. I know. And then I'd get annoyed for being annoyed at such trivial things.

The past couple of weeks have been hard, but last Thursday I hit the peak. I was given some news that should have excited and flattered me, but instead it seemed to bring all of my insecurities to the surface. I mean, the chance of this thing actually happening is slim, but the point I'm making here is that there is a chance that this thing could happen. When I think about the ways that the Lord is moving in my life it both scares and excites me. So last Thursday as I was laying wide awake feeding my insecurities of not being (add insecurity) enough I was convicted by the fact that I have been so self-absorbed lately. The devil comes to *steal , kill and destroy* and that's exactly what he has been accomplishing within me lately. I've let him whisper lies to me and I've accepted them as truth. So, I'm working on the second part of that verse *I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.*

I want a full life. So, I've started the process, again, of letting the Lord search those places in my heart that are guarded by lock and key. It's hard, but the beautiful thing is that He will never tell me that I'm not (add insecurity) enough. For, I am the apple of His eye and nothing that I do will separate me from his perfect love. That's just freeing. And it makes me feel like dancing. If I were an iPod girl I'd like to think that I would look something like this:

damage control

Last night something terrible happened--hail! We've had so much of the stuff this year and I don't like it one bit! Here's a picture of the garden in my backyard. Poor little guy. :(

I didn't have a chance to survey the damage this morning, but last night I saw that most of those baby plants were broken right in two. I'm hopeful that this garden will still produce fruit, maybe those cute little tomatoes and peppers will grow up to be big and fat and strong. After all, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? I think about all of the hours of watering and weeding that went into that little plot. Hours! My roommate has been so faithful to those tender plants. The really sad part is that the storm lasted, oh...5 minutes? All those hours of hard word destroyed in 5 minutes?!?

And then I started thinking about myself, and the storms that I have lived through. Is my faith weak? Will I break under the weight and pressure that life throws my way? Or, is my faith growing stronger each day, being refined and perfected by the storms and fires? I'm going for big and fat and strong faith--I don't ever want to be accused of having wimpy, skinny faith...ever! Big and Beautiful! Big and Beautiful! But, you know what? That kind of faith requires my willingness to allow the Lord to water, weed and prune me in order for the woman He created to shine as He intended from the beginning of time itself.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. -James 1:2-4

dancing on the rooftop top of the world

My heart truly overfloweth tonight. I've lived in Ft. Collins for 9 months now (9 months!) and tonight as I looked around a room full of beautiful women my eyes filled with tears. This is where the Lord wants me at this time, these are some of the women that I get to do life with, these are some of the women that I have the privilege and honor to pour into, to minister to, to encourage. And, they are the ones that I'm going to be leaning on and sharing my hopes and disappointments with as well. I left an amazing community of brothers and sisters back in Alabama and, quite honestly, I was really doubtful that I would find that here. It's different, no doubt, but good. No...it's great! What a unique community Ft. Collins has and I am so thankful that the Lord answers prayer even when my faith is small. He has provided me with more than I even dared to ask. I can't say that this happened out of the blue for I have been very intentional, but I can tell you that it happened naturally and rather flawlessly...almost like He knows the plans that He has for me... And by almost I mean assuredly so. Ahh! Community.

wonder

"What in the world have I done to deserve this?" Oh, the possibilities of what this might be. Trust me, this can get pretty ugly. Especially those times when I feed my flesh woman with self-pity.

However, today was not one of those days at all. I got a new bike and I'm discovering more and more Ft. Collins beauty. I have a great view of the mountains, some snow-capped, others close enough to hike daily. It's been raining (and hailing) like crazy the past months and it's so green. It's beautifully breathtaking, really. My heart [about] leapt out of my chest this afternoon.

I don't want to take this place for granted--who knows where the Lord will lead me in the future.

L.A. New York. Paris. China. Colorado.

(Yes, I'm now singing the One Republic song)

God's creation is so beautiful, and I don't know what it is about the mountains...but I hope that they will always remind me of God's might and power...His Majesty!

I love how God reveals himself, sometimes in the most unexpected of places. This pic is from a coffee google search, apparently it's from a tweet by JTH. My day would absolutely be made if my coffee had this message.  Hmmm...maybe on my next shift I'll try this...

How has God impressed you lately?

mirrored

I know so many amazing women. I love listening to their stories, crying with them, encouraging them, praying over them...it really makes my heart smile. Even though women are broken, battered and bruised the Lord has given me, what I believe to be, a gift to see them as He sees them. The stories that these women are often so ashamed of are the very stories that soften my heart and remind me that the Lord's got this precious gem in His hands.

Sadly, I do not view men the same way. Over the past months the Lord has been revealing my judgmental attitude towards them. Once I feel that a man has "failed" at something I write him off my list...putting him in the "no" category. I have unrealistically high expectations for men. For some reason the idea that failure equates lack of spiritual depth, leadership and strength has been imprinted into my mind. I know, you're probably giving me a dirty look through the screen. Don't worry, I have been convicted of this attitude and have actually started seeing the image of the Father in the men around me--the same men I'd already put enthusiastically into the never category. Now let me share some of these beautiful revelations:

*Protection--the strength of a strong arm who steadies my step so I won't slip.
*Strength--living out convictions.
*Leadership--taking the initiative to pray over a circumstance rather than discuss facts or complain.
*Love--surrounding a brother in a time of need.
*Compassion--offering an understanding smile to my tears.
*Wisdom--speaking truth in love.
*Understanding--participating simply because it's something I enjoy.

I'm so humbled by this new revelation, and have enjoyed seeing my brothers through the eyes of the Father.

blessed

It's time to count my blessings.

I'll narrow them down to 11 since it's the 11th, (clever, I know)

I'm so grateful



11. I'm completely debt free--I have been since I sold my house in Dec. Still feels good.

10. My health--I haven't been sick since I moved back to CO, not even with the sniffles!

9. My job--I get paid to meet folks, hear their stories and pray with them.

8. Team--I work with amazing, supportive men and women.

7. Coffee Shops--I love coffee and cozy atmospheres. Plenty to choose from in Ft. Collins.

6. Growth--My heart is being softened in ways I never thought possible.

5. Mountains--I get to enjoy the Rocky Mountains every single day!!

4. Being Active--I love being outdoors. Skiing, hiking, running, biking, love them all.

3. Missionary Barista--that's right, I'm a barista!

2. Church--Found one! Getting involved and connected makes me smile.

1. Friends--I've met some incredible people! I ♥ friends!

There's so much more to be grateful for, but I'll save those for another time.

What are you grateful for today?

it's cofee time, world!

Forgive me for not sharing my exciting news with you earlier...I'm going to be a Missionary Barista! Yes, that's right...some of you might be thinking that I made up this position, seeing as I have a heart for missions and being a barista is a dream of mine, but you'd be wrong-o. God's just cool like that--hand-crafting opportunities specific for each one of us! Thank you for loving me THIS much, Lord! :)

What opportunities have surprised and excited you lately?

Simply

I'm smiling. And not because I'm particularly happy, nothing extraordinarily grand happened today. In fact, I have shed plenty of tears just this afternoon over some pretty major changes that are happening in my world, good changes, but hard ones none the less. You know why I'm smiling even as the tears fall? Because lately I've had some great encounters with my Maker.

The ugly truth is that the Lord has been revealing sin in my life. Things like selfishness, judgements that I cast so easily upon others, my impure thoughts about those whom I'm called to love and my casual attitude towards worship, just to name a few. And, the other day He completely convicted me about the pity that I feel towards others--people don't need my pity, they need love.

The prayer of my heart is that my Father would break my heart for that which breaks His. That He would purify my heart, words, thoughts and deeds so that I will be a better, more pure example of Christ to my community. I've been praying for Him to increase and me to decrease. I want to love Him with an all consuming love. I pray that I will boldly let Love live in me, shine through me.

Want to know a little secret? My passion is ministering to women, and it both excites and terrifies me to think of speaking into the lives of women. That's a huge honor and one which I don't even scoff at for a moment. And then I become overwhelmed; I have no business taking on such a responsibility. You probably know what's coming next...the loving rebuke of my Abba when He reminds me, yet again, that it's not about me.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Keep Calm and Carry On

Hiya! I have loads on my mind this morning, but will do my best to keep this post from becoming a novel. Plus, I cannot write about everything that's on my mind, a girl's got to have her secrets, right?

This weekend I was reminded that things can change in the blink of an eye, literally. I was in a car accident--I'll spare you all the details, but both cars were smashed right up. I was in the back seat, right behind the driver--we were hit on the driver's side. Once I realized what was going on and that everyone in the car was okay I opened my door to examine the damage. You know what? There wasn't a single scratch, dent or ding on my door. Not one! It really struck me, I just couldn't get over it! Not only had the Lord kept me safe, but he didn't even allow my armor, (in this case my door), to be touched! And in that moment the Lord reminded me that He's got huge plans in store for me, that He's got my life and my days. Teach me to number my days, oh Lord, that I may present to You a heart of wisdom (Ps. 90:12). The Lord really used this accident as a way for me to draw closer to Him, to press into His goodness. And just like those moments with Him under beautiful stary nights His whisper was loud and clear, I LOVE YOU.

My favorite shoes are my red Toms. I'd seriously wear them everyday if they matched everything and were considered "professional." They're comfortable and fit my style to a tee, (define that as you will). Anyway, I remember looking at my shoes right before the accident; once we stopped the top of my head was pressed into the driver's seat and when I opened my eyes they were the first things I saw. "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" (Rom. 10:15). I'm not talking about my shoes here, I'm talking about my two little feet. Where are they willing to go? To the ends of the earth? And, are they happily skipping, running, jumping to take the good news to the people around them everyday?

Where are your beautiful feet taking you?

Splinter

How do you feel about me, Lord? I closed my eyes as I silently asked my Abba this question while cruising at an altitude of 36,000 feet. For a while He was silent, waiting, I believe, for me to still my thoughts, prepare my heart and quiet my soul. After what seemed like forever, but in reality was probably about 30 seconds, He began to flash visions through my mind. He allowed me to relive some of my favorite recent memories with Him--brilliant starry nights; breathtaking shooting stars; standing on majestic mountaintops taking in the beauty of His creation--and as I was reveling in these memories He whispered truth of His love and adoration towards me. He was reminding me that I am more precious in His sight than all of these things. Tears were streaming down my cheeks faster than I could brush them away.

And then, He brought my earthly father, my daddy, to my mind, and a memory that I haven't thought of in a very long time. When I was about 4 year old I went on a trip with my mom and her family to visit some relatives in Michigan. My dad didn't go with us. I was playing on the outside deck with some of my cousins and got a splinter in my right heal. Uncle Brucie will take that out for you. No way! I wanted my daddy. He was the only one who knew how to take my splinters out. Uncle Brucie is a daddy, too. You won't feel a thing. It didn't matter who he was, he wasn't my daddy. He didn't know how to do it like my daddy. And, no matter how much they reasoned with me about needing to take that splinter out, I refused. He's wasn't my daddy.

I'm still like this today. My daddy does things better than anyone else can. I call him up even though he lives 500 miles away and simply cannot help me in most situations. I love you more than even your daddy, my love! I care about you more purely and deeply than he can. I want to be your #1. Allow me to work on those splinters in your soul. Those lies that you have believed, those curses you have received, those harsh words you have harbored. Receive My love like you receive his. Call on Me first. 

In those last precious moments with my loving Abba this morning he reminded me that He has given me my dreams and desires, atually imprinted them upon my heart. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" ~Ps. 37:4. I mustn't forget the first part of that verse: delight yourself in the Lord. John 15:7 promises that if I remain in Him and His words remain in me that I can ask anything and it will be given to me. Pretty big promise, but I must do my part...remain in Him...delight in Him...

My prayer is that I will truly abide in my Abba, take delight in Him and trust Him with my most intimate dreams, wishes and desires, especially those that seem silly or impossible...

slow and easy

I live in the #1 / #2 place to live in America.
No really, it was actually ranked one of those last year in money magazine.
It's a great place, with a great view of the mountains.

I love jammin' to my tunes, mainly Hillsong United, as I run or ride with the windows down.
(Sorry, Need,  I still love you guys...)
People drive, on average, about 3 mi/hr under the speed limit.
I love it!
There's no rush to race through life.
In fact, I'd really describe this community as carefree, go with the flow.

It dawned on me the other day that while I enjoy this life, it should in no way reflect my attitude towards serving my Father.
I need to serve and love with an urgency.
People are dying who have never heard about Jesus.
People are still worshiping idols, hopeless, lost.
I know where I'm going, but that's not enough.
That can't be enough.
God desires that people from every tongue, tribe and nation will worship Him, will know Him intimately.

I know that I'm in this beautiful city for a reason.
These are the people that I am to minister to at this time, to love.
I tend to be so selfish, focusing on my own plans, desires and wants.
I am often overcome by my hurts and disappointments without even considering the hurts and disappointments of others.

My prayer is that as I fall more in love with my Maker I will become a better reflection of Him.
That I will love others and notice their needs before my own.
That I will worship in Spirit and Truth.
And, ultimately, that I will practice what I preach.

Breath in me Your life
Til Your love overtakes me.
Open up my eyes
Let me see You more clearly.
Falling on my knees
Til I love like You love
Like You love me
I love You.
~Bones by Hillsong United

Blessings,

kosmo

The purpose of the Church is worship. Secondary only to worship is missions. Why do we have missions? In order that peoples from every tongue, nation and tribe will worship the name of the Lord.

This video moves me to tears every time I watch it.

I love how God has uniquely crafted each culture.

Language.

Dance.

Celebrations.

How beautiful the day will be when we all come together before the throne, completing the true worship that God so desires.

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb...

-Revelation 7:9

Does your heart beat for the nations?

stay within the lines

Parameters. I'm tired of them!

I've spent most of my life trying to please everyone around me.

Right down to the very way I make my bed!

I'm the one who has boxed myself into this, well...boxed thinking.

I look around at all of these adventurous men and women,

doing mighty work.

Making mistakes...yes, but making impact all the while.

I've really noticed a complacent attitude in my prayer life lately.

Wow! That's hard to admit.

God's tired of my "perfect" prayers.

He wants the raw me, offering meaningful prayers without all the fluff and spiritualization.

He's been teaching me to push the envelope, if you will.

Quitting my job.

Selling my house.

Moving across the country.

And now, He's asking me to trust him with my heart's desires and dreams.

Let go of the control that I think I have, that I don't really have anyway.

Some years ago the Lord impressed extraordinary upon my heart.

You know what? I've had a lot of trouble believing that He has this in store for me.

He's been reminding me that these words were indeed from Him.

And it's now time to step up and believe and receive.

That's right.

He's telling me it's okay for me to receive.
Thank you, sweet Jesus.

Isn't it amazing how the Father uses people, music, nature, art, etc. for His purposes.

I love the heart, vision, mission of this group.

I'm completely blown away with their "realness," honesty and compassion for serving the Lord!

I can't think of anything more attractive than reckless pursuit of the Lord!

aftermath

God Bless!

Muddy

Last night my socks were pretty much rocked right off!

I went to church with one of my sweet friends and a master potter spoke.

As you can probably imagine he spoke about how God is our Master Potter, molding us into a vessel fit for Kingdom service. He was actually working with a brick of clay as he spoke. It was so powerful to watch him manipulate and transform the clay into the vase he had envisioned. Needless to say, tears were pouring; I love how God stirs and moves in our lives.

As he was molding this new vessel, he pointed to a vase that he'd created earlier that day. He compared the older vase to believers watching the Lord work in the lives of others. Sure it's exciting, but there is often a longing to be touched again by our Marker, wondering if He has somehow forgotten about us. "I haven't forgotten about you my little vase over there. I see that you're getting a little dry on the top and that's exactly what I wanted to happen. You see, if I'd put the handle on when you were still wet you would've collapsed under the pressure."

Although I knew exactly where he was going with his message it sure enough pierced me right to my soul. Yes, Lord. I realize that you have not forgotten about those dreams and desires that you've put inside of me. Thank you.

He also spoke about the refinement of fire and how the Father can use us even when we are broken, forming us into a new vessel in Him. Oh how I wish you all could have been there! I love the imagery of the Lord being the Potter and us the clay to be molded.

But now, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the work of Your hand. -Isaiah 64:8

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!

I stole this from a friend's blog. She found it here.

Hearts and Hugs,

Come and knock on my door

Let people know the real you. This was the promise that I unwrapped when I ate my Dove camel chocolate square this afternoon. I'm not so sure that this is a promise as much as a suggestion, good advice maybe. Irregardless, it struck me. How often do I hide behind the face of who I think I should be, of who others think I should be? How often do I stay silent when I'm hurt or upset, afraid that I'll offend someone? How often to I cry in the dark when I should let my feelings be known? Hmmm...the real me.

What does she look like? The real me is passionate, loves and cares more deeply than words can express with a desire for a deeper, purer, more intimate relationship with my Abba. Although I'm easily wounded and bruised, I am fierce with the very things that stir my soul. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I have been created for something far greater than I can even imagine; "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).

As I think about the woman I am and the areas that the Lord continues to refine, I cannot help but think about the man that He is preparing for me. I can only imagine how strong, passionate and adventurous he is. How willing he is to live a dangerous life for the sake of the Kingdom. How selfless he is in his service, yet unwavering in his beliefs and convictions. A man worthy of my respect, love and affection. Thank you, Lord that I have not settled for someone who is simply good, you've got stellar in store for me. :)

Ladies, don't settle! Wait patiently, pray fervently, for your spiritual leader who will love you as Jesus loves you. Who will stand by your side and fight for you. Who loves the Lord with all of His heart and is even willing to leave his comforts to follow hard after Him.

Amen and amen!

Anyway

Today is a just because kind of bloggity day. One of my dear friends left for Vietnam this morning. I'm going to miss her and definitely planning a visit.

You know who I'm absolutely loving?! Hillsong United!

And not just because of this guy...

although how cool is it when a [good-looking] guy is passionately in love with the Lord?!

With an Australian accent!

Although, let's face it...me meeting famous people = awkward display of disaster.

All of these photos are from here. You should go check it out!

G'day, Mate!

Si me queda la zapatilla, me puedes llamar Cenicienta.

If you know me at all you know I'm incredibly indecisive--I don't like the pressure of having to choose something, especially if I have to choose only one. That pretty much just freaks me right on out!

So it was a major big deal for me to pick my one word for 2011--confidence. No, really. I was overwhelmed with the amount of *good* words to choose from, but the Lord just pierces my heart every time I think about the idea of being confident. So I committed to the word on Monday night--blogged about it and everything. It's official.

By nature, I tend to over analyze things, which normally leads to stress and worry. Not good. Thankfully I serve a gracious and loving Father who tends to just throw me in head first without giving me time to pick apart every little detail in a given situation. He knows I don't always have the confidence to take the first step and He has opened doors for opportunities that I never would have chased on my own.

So, you can imagine my *surprise* when I got into the office and had a voice mail from my boss. I am the point person for our new Spanish Program. Yes, that's right. Spanish. Program. Do I speak Spanish? Nope. I took 3 years of French in High School. Do I completely understand all of my responsibilities in my current role? Absolutely not. I'm learning new things each and every day--asking a lot of questions.

So see, I'm getting a nice start on my word for the year. You know when this program starts? Today. You know when it was decided that I would be the point person? Last night. You know when we are sending our first group of Spanish teachers? This fall.

When I was given all of this information this morning I laughed to myself a bit. And silently prayed for the confidence to carry out this position well. It's so comforting to know that it is not in my own strength that I am able to do any of this amazing work.

I'm so humbled.

Confidence

So I visited Tuscaloosa this weekend and experienced a myriad of emotions, some hurt and sadness, along with some good times. I would have to say that one of the absolute highlights was having breakfast with a dear sweet friend. We talked non-stop, laughed and even cried a bit. It was fabulous! I so cherish deep meaningful friendships. The other highlight was visiting Highlands. I must say, at first I was a little nervous about going, but I was welcomed with hugs galore, ear-to-ear smiles, even some squeals. It wasn't like I was visiting family, I actually was visiting family. I so miss that uplifting community...Lord, please help me find my community here in FoCo.

I was listening to K-LOVE on my way to work this morning and they have challenged all their listeners to choose one word that they are trusting the Lord to help them live out this year. My word is confidence. Confidence in myself as a woman, yes, but so much more than that. Confidence in the Lord. Confidence in the fact that He is working all things out for good. Confidence in knowing that he is faithful to all of His promises. Confidence to trust that He is not finished with me yet. Confidence in believing that I am cherished and beautiful in His sight. Confidence to speak truth in love, even when the truth isn't wanted. Confidence in all things.

And now I pass on the same challenge to you. What is your word for 2011?

Blessings to you!