unperfection

My house overlooks a picturesque view of the Rocky Mountains in one of the top cities to live in the US. I enjoy 300 days of sunshine, perfect for running, biking, hiking, skiing. I joyfully work in full-time ministry and attend a life-giving church. I sip perfectly creamed cups of coffee on my porch and enjoy early morning sunshine with the Word and my journal.

I could probably also add my life > your life because that seems to be a thing these days. In this Instagram, social media driven life we all have perfect lives, walking on sunshine has finally been achieved. No one Instagrams the whole truth, but rather portrays life through filters. In revealing more truth I should probably also tell you that my view of the mountains is partially obstructed by the old, [ugly], homes across the street, and while I do live in one of the top cities in the nation, it also happens to have one of the highest suicide rates. The weather is usually mild, but last year it was so dry that my city hosted one of the largest and most destructive fires in Colorado history.

And, yes, I am in full-time ministry and hope to be for the rest of my life. However, my current role is more stressful and pressure-filled than any other position I've held. Ministry happens to be hard work. My character has been stretched as I find myself working, more often than not, out of my weaknesses rather than strengths. It's an honor and privilege, yes, and I'm trusting that I'm learning necessary skills and lessons that will aid in one day fulfilling a dream to speak and write. Oh, and about the Word reading and journaling..true at times, but lately my pen can't ink because my words are few, the season dry.

I count it a blessing that I am surrounded by others who willingly share in my less than perfect, my mess, my [many] tears. Those who are not only willing to *follow* me, but also to dig deep and walk alongside of me in the ugly, sharing and sharpening. Life is not perfect, faith is necessary. Our concern should not be in the portraying of perfection around us, but in the very development towards perfection that He is working within us.

dreamweaver

Of all the days I wish we could sit down for a cup of coffee, it'd be today. It's April 17 and the sky is pouring snow. And I happen to love it! We would exchange pleasantries, like lovely weather we're having, isn't it?, and sip our coffee, (or tea if you prefer), before frolicking in the backyard to make snow angels. I'd probably let you do that last part alone, though, because I'd have to get out my ski pants, put on my smart wool socks, layer and zip and you'd probably only want to stay out there for like 5 minutes so it really wouldn't be worth it.

But what I would really love to talk about is self-talk. This subject has been coming up a lot lately through conversations with friends, the people that I train and equip for overseas service, dove commercials..really everywhere. Turns out, most of us are believing the negative things that we tell ourselves. We're letting fear, doubt, shame, and insecurities take control--and most of us are doing it alone. Maybe we're afraid that talking about our struggles will push others away, maybe we're afraid no one will understand, maybe we've lived with the lies so long that we believe them as truth and wouldn't know how to live without them.

Jon Acuff recently launched a site that allows folks to share their fears; a place where people can go and, maybe for the first time, realize that they're not alone in their struggles. I've visited No More Voices a couple of times and read the confessions through tears, wanting to give each precious individual a big hug, as in a memaw type hug, not a wimpy side hug, y'all. I want to tell them they've got it all wrong and they are a big deal, precious, priceless.

Then I realize I so quickly see the lies that others believe but am often blind to my own. Perhaps the correct response to my self-talk is not I know after all. Perhaps those impossible dreams should be the very starting point of faith. The launching pad for a life well-lived, with purpose and direction.

What would happen if we started praying for the impossible dreams of each other. When big prayers are answered we see that it's not about our weight or our looks, or all the awful in our pasts. It's about grace. It's about love. It's about recognizing and using our gifts and talents to glorify the very One who so generously lavishes good upon us.

And as the miracles start happening all around us I hope we will look back and wonder what it was that held us back in the first place.

Now, do you take cream?

oh so

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Excitement builds as the promise is remembered. Today could be the day. This could be the day of breakthrough..the miracle witnessed. Yesterday's tears are in the past, the future is bright. New mercies are graciously lavished over this new day. Memories waiting around every corner--remember these days.

Palms up, ready to receive, willing to release. Eyes observing the abundant life all around. Circumstances not affecting the abounding joy within, for Hope is not found in things. Smiles exchanged, life shared and sharpened. Phones ringing, laughter rising, clicking of fingers on keys. All familiar and ordinary...yet, somehow extraordinary.

Truth spoken, tears spilled, coffee sipped. Sending silent prayers for situations described. Thank you, Father, for promises that are true always. Unsure of what will come, yet confident in knowing that He is working all things out for the good of those who love Him. And He is. Yes. He is.

Deep breath in, exhale. Repeat. He's got this, dear one, just like He's had all the others. He's got this. Uncontrollable smile, shaking of the head, spirit bubbling, anticipation rising. This could be the day.