Friday, March 5, 2010

Layers

Recently I started an art journal (in that I have completed about 1/10 of 1 page). And, trust me, I cannot think of a more unlikely person to do an "art" journal. I love to journal...it's easy for me to write down my thoughts, fears, and prayers in words. I can easily pour my heart out. Lately, however, I've been really dissatisfied with some things in my life--mainly the fact that I live such a safe and, sadly, ordinary life. I have so many dreams, most of which I'm scared to actually start. I often find myself holding back, testing the waters, regretting the "what ifs" that I let pass me by. And, I've realized that I've learned how to conform very well. Yep, that's right...I'm a conformist, as least in some areas of my life. My job is the main area of my life that causes me so much grief. I know that what I'm being asked to teach, and the manner in which I'm expected to teach is NOT best for the students. I am blessed to work for a principal who trusts my judgement and gives me certain freedoms, but I am still very confined and feel like I'm suffocating in the very thing that is supposed to refresh me and allow me to use my gifts and touch young lives. Sure, I know how to write the best lesson plans, put on a great performance when I have visitors in my room, and teach the curriculum to "fidelity." But, at the end of the day I know that I could have made more of an impact if I would have been given the freedom to differentiate more, individualize to my specific little ones, and (heaven forbid) add in a little fun. But, I digress...back to the art journal...

In reading up on art journals and learning different techniques I've come to understand the importance of layering. Upon first glance a page may seem very simple, but a closer look shows the torn pages, pictures, words, paints, glitter, etc. that all work together to express a thought, idea, mood. It's all so intricate, yet can be so simple. As I'm learning more about myself and the woman I'm destined to be, I'm discovering my layers. I'm not just a daughter, sister, friend, and teacher...no! I'm a perceiver, a dreamer, a believer (and a Believer), an adventure seeker, and so much more. As scary as it is to reveal some of these layers, I know that in doing so I will become an even better reflection of my Jesus, and I will start looking more like the woman He has created me to be.

So, it's not much now, but I'm hoping it will turn into a beautiful hodge-podge of my creative being. The scariest part is making the first mark. I'm afraid I'll mess up, or create something ugly, but it's all a part of my journey. "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Ps. 139:14. "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His holy name." ~Ps. 100:4. Happy journaling!


Blessings!