Last night one of my prayers was answered...with a brutal no. I say brutal because it was one of my *going out on a limb* type of very specific requests. The thing is I could never pray this prayer in full confidence so on Wednesday night I asked that the Lord either take this desire away, or give me the faith and hope to pray confidently and expectantly for it, and I asked Him to do this within 48 hours. I'm not sure why 48, I just don't want to put so much time and thought energy into an idea that is not the Lord's will for my life. So, almost exactly 48 hours later it was evident that the Lord had given me my answer. It was hard-so many of my dreams were wrapped up in this one thing, which I now see as the problem.
Around 1:30am this morning I finally got out of bed, grabbed my journal, Bible and favorite Sharpie and headed to the kitchen table. I was sad as I flipped through my journal, noticing the weeks of absent entries..the truth is I've been trying to go at it on my own lately, having some great times with my Maker, yet not letting His newly revealed truths take root in my life. I haven't been listening and reflecting as I once did; I've enjoyed a closeness with Him that keeps my agenda first, keeps me feeling happy and just full enough to know that I can handle things. Which, by the way, I can't and it hit me hard on Wednesday night..and it came out as anger, bitterness, a sense of deservedness. And, He's been stirring my heart these last nights, weeks maybe. I've prayed and processed, yet known that He's been wanting more. Last night I finally allowed that and 7 pages and 2 1/2 hours later my mind was full of fresh thoughts, truth and a peace in my soul that has been missing lately. Sometimes a hard no is needed to unleash creative visions and spur us on to the greater good that He has planned.
This sweet, refreshing time this morning was so good. The Lord reminded me that He has placed these desires upon my heart but I've got to make sure that I'm letting Him take the lead. My ministry will be exactly what He has in mind, and I saw the no as a blessing last night as I was reminded that He is able to do exceeding more that I can even hope or imagine! This no is for my good and He has something even better for me. I can only see what's in front of me now, He sees the whole picture and I can rest in knowing that He's not forgotten, and, what's really freeing, I don't have to do it alone.
I was led to Phil 4:4-8 this morning, let us not forget to dwell upon that which is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, worthy of praise.
You are so deeply loved, dear one!
xox
Yikes. No's are hard to hear, but good for you pushing through and believing Him.
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